The South Park guys really hit the nail on the head when they said, “Blame Canada.” If the new technology they just started testing ever makes it to the United States, I will blame Canada. I might even declare war. This new innovation from our syrup loving neighbors to the North are stoplights that turn red for anyone speeding. That doesn’t belong in any world I live in.
I understand that when a Canadian gets to a redlight they say something like, “Oh that’s fine, eh. That just gives me more time to look at hockey scores, eh.” We’re not that patient in America. We put two fast food chains in the same parking lot so if one line is too long, we don’t have to travel to the next one. Our speed limits are suggestions to our drivers, and we get where we are going as fast as possible. Green means speed, yellow means go, and red means you can go through if you’re quick.
This idea to me, is going to cause more problems than anything else. When people are speeding and the light turns yellow to begin their punishment for not being a stand up Canadian, they aren’t going to slow down. Everyone who is already speeding is just going to accelerate to make sure they get the light before it goes red. It’s how everyone in the world drives. At least everyone in the world I would care to interact with. The bright side to this is that the failure of this experiment would surely mean it would never make it to America. We need Canadians to come through for us in a big way. Make this fail, and we can keep treating our morning commute like it’s Mad Max.