Chase Utley Makes the List of Most Evil White People

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Boy was I nervous to see Chase Utley trending on Twitter when I woke up this morning. Fortunately for me and every other kid who was born in the greater Philadelphia area between the years of 1997 and 2003, our hero made it through the morning unscathed. The reason Chase Utley has made his way into the public discourse this morning is for his inclusion on a list of, “The 50 Evilest White People.” 

The list itself is filled with some of the most heinous human beings to ever live, the villain from season 5 of Peaky Blinders, and some guys who weren’t too kind to New York’s sports teams such as Tom Brady and Spencer Strider. But the highest-ranking person on the list who isn’t responsible for death on a large scale is Chase Utley, coming it at number 12. Such a high-ranking spot on the list put him in pretty lousy company between Joseph Stalin and John C. Calhoun. For those of you like myself who were probably hitting a vape in a bathroom while John C. Calhoun was being covered in your sophomore year history class, he passionately defended slavery. Pretty unchill if you ask me, and definitely more evil than anything Chase Utley ever did in his life. 

The worst thing Chase Utley ever did was slide into Rueben Tejada’s leg trying to break up a double-play in the 2015 NLDS. As a result of a freak play that can be blamed on absolutely no one, Tejada broke his leg and had to sit out the Mets’ run to the World Series that year. Here’s a reminder of that play so you know what I’m talking about. 

It feels a little bit like misplaced anger from Mets fans don’t you think? Chase Utley, known for playing the game as hard as anyone, began his speedy, majestic stride toward second base as soon as the ball was hit. The ball looked like it might roll into the outfield which would send Utley toward third. The Mets make an ok play on it, and as a result Tejada is right where Utley is going to turn. This changes Utley’s play, and now he needs to slide to take away a double play. A collision ensues, and as a result Reuben Tejada’s ankle, along with the feelings of all Mets fans will never be the same. After the incident, Utley was initially suspended for two games until the MLB came to their senses and removed his punishment. You know who typically gets zero game suspensions? Innocent people. 

The inclusion of Chase Utley on the list removed all legitimacy from the creator. Chase Utley was a fantastic baseball player, and probably an even better human. Maybe David Wright should take his place, because if he hit higher than .208 in that World Series the Mets wouldn’t have missed Tejada so much. 

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