Dear Freshmen: St. Paddy’s Day

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Dear Freshmen,

This Thursday is St. Patrick’s Day, a holiday that means absolutely nothing except that people of both Irish and non-Irish heritage dress in green and drink from the time they wake up until the time that they pass out for the night. It’s pretty awesome, and it’s also a major holiday in college. 

Since it falls on March 17th every year, the weather has started to become nicer, and all of us college degenerates take this as an opportunity to skip every class and darty to celebrate the fact that it is now some degrees warmer than it was before we left for spring break. It’s a lot of fun, and it’s a great time to really explore your inner degenerate. There are, however, some things you should recognize as first timers on the St. Paddy’s Day scene in college.

First of all, recognize that in the same way that every college student knows that it’s a huge party day, your local campus police do as well. This isn’t really too much of an issue because they’re really not looking to screw anyone over too badly, but that means that you don’t want to be the person that’s incapacitated and throwing up if they show up to bust the darty you’re at. Get belligerent by all means, but make sure that you’re aware enough to run the fuck away if the time comes.

Second, St. Paddy’s Day is a pretty big bar crawl time period. This means that everyone who is actually twenty-one is going to want to go to a bunch of bars. This also means that there will be a lot more real IDs in play at any given moment, so if you’re going to send it with a fake, make sure you’re a little bit more selective about where you’re going. Nobody wants to get their fake taken right as the spring is truly beginning.

Good luck, and happy degeneracy.



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