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Dear Women: Clothing

Dear Women,

I need your help this week. Real bad. In the past nine days back at school, I have been complimented and insulted on what I’ve been wearing by various females every single night. I tend to think of myself as someone who typically looks reasonable, but at this point I am very confused. 

First of all: what is everyone’s issues with shoes. One of my first nights I was wearing the classic white Nike socks with Vans, and I was told that wasn’t okay. The next night, I wore Vans with no socks, and I was at first commended for not owning a pair of those no-show socks that are kind of beige. Then later another girl told me I was insane for not wearing socks with them. I simply couldn’t win.

Another night I wore khaki shorts, and a girl told me I was overdressed. The next night I wore athletic shorts, and a girl told me I was underdressed. The next night I was self-conscious, so I switched back to the khaki shorts. Got chirped YET AGAIN for wearing that. Needless to say, I feel as though any outfit I wear tonight (laundry day is tomorrow, so there’s slim pickings for tonight) I will get torched about it by someone.

So, with all that explained: what’s the proper way to dress? At this point, I don’t even care about what I think looks good. I just want to go through a night without one of the girls I know hurting my feelings. Yeah, it hurts my feelings. Give anybody who rocks a somewhat intense anxiety disorder nine Bud Light Limes (fucking love those things) and tell them that their outfit is stupid, and feelings will get hurt. So please, just tell me what to do. I need it.


Vinegar Strokes

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Written by TFM

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