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Dear Women: Letter 1

Dear Women,

There are so many things I don’t understand about you. Too many, in fact, to just send a quick list of questions to be answered. No, I think this is going to have to be a weekly thing. Where should I start? The blowjob feels about right.

You won’t hear me say that women should stop giving blowjobs. That’s a phrase that won’t leave my mouth ever… even if there’s a fire. But I am genuinely interested in why a woman would ever even think about putting a penis anywhere near her mouth. I’ve talked to plenty of girls who will say that they just do it because it’s what you do, and I guess I can kind of understand that. Still, though, I feel like if I were in your shoes, I’d rather take it up the butt than have a dick anywhere near my face, let alone in my mouth. That’s because dicks are gross. Fact.

And even though I can kind of understand where the girls that say, “I just do it because it’s a nice thing to do,” (and may I just say, men everywhere thank you for that sacrifice), the real targets of my question are the girls that say they enjoy doing it – I’ve talked to a few of those types too. I mean, just why? Seriously. I do not understand. That’s something that spends all day sweating it out with a pair of balls and can get pinched between the legs putting it right there with the asshole – that never happens to me, but I’ve heard larger endowed men talk about it before. You want to put that in your mouth? Heroic, sure. But I just don’t get it. A guy will love it because it feels great, but I seriously don’t know what you guys get out of it.

I guess I’ll wrap it up by saying this: 

To the girls who don’t like blowjobs but give them anyway, you guys are alright in my book. To the girls that genuinely do like taking a slobber on the ol’ meat popsicle, you scare me. To the girls who don’t give blowjobs at all, I understand you, but man, do I wish you didn’t exist.

Love,

VinegarStrokes

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Written by VinegarStrokes

Above average intelligence, below average weiner.

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