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Dear Women: Tinder

Dear Women,

Hey. It’s been a while. How are you? Cool. Nice. Small talk stuff. Let’s get into it.

Recently, I sat down with the rest of the men. We talked, and we want to know what your thoughts are on Tinder. Obviously, a great deal of you ladies use it, but the fellas and I want to learn about what we should be doing on there because we’re striving for success these days.

First: what pictures should we be using? We feel like you guys have it a bit easier because the pictures you take are typically meant to be seen by other people. For us, most of the pictures we have of ourselves are either of us severely intoxicated or of us dead asleep on a couch somewhere. So, when we do take pictures that have potential to go on a Tinder profile, what kinds should we be selecting?

Second: what should we have in our bios? Should we put our heights in there? A humorous observation? Maybe a little bit of info about us? We don’t know what you want to see. Does a bio even matter at all, or should we solely focus on hiding our ugliness?

Third: What do you want us to say to you? “Hey” feels to easy, but a pick-up line feels sort of… let me think of a non-offensive way to say this – lame. Is it even worth it to send a message or are you just going to leave us on read anyway? How long do we have to converse with you before we ask for your Snapchat? 

Fourth: why are you on Tinder? Are we expected to take you out on dates, or do you just want us to invite you to a party that will lead to us sexually disappointing you later that night only to never hear from you again? 

This is what we came up with, and it’s need-to-know information. 

Love,

VinegarStrokes

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Written by VinegarStrokes

Above average intelligence, below average weiner.

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