Does the COVID Vaccine Make Your Peepee Smaller?

I got my second round of the Moderna vaccine about a month and a half ago (perks of working at a medical marijuana dispensary), and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to answer this question. Whether I’m studying, walking to get food, sitting outside, or I’m at a party having a zoom meeting with all of my good friends, everybody is just dying hear about it. It seems like all anyone wants to know after they find out I was vaccinated is if I’ve experienced some George Costanza shrinkage as a result, so I figured to clear everything up I’d just write a blog. That way if someone really wants to know the answer, I can at least get a view out of it. So here we go:

No. The COVID vaccine does not make your donger any smaller, and I just want to say thank god for that. The last thing I need is to go from below average to way below average. I know what you’re thinking: you’re just one guy, so how can we trust you? You have every right to be skeptical. How do I know I’m not just the exception – one of the lucky ones? In all honesty, I can’t tell you for a fact that I’m not. Maybe there’s guys out there that have gotten it and went from an Arnold Schwarzenegger to a Danny DeVito, and if there are, dear god speak up. Please. But I genuinely feel like if there were a chance that it would cause me to lose some centimeters down there, I think I’d be the guy it would happen to. Here’s a list of bad things that have happened to me that give me that idea:

  1. When I broke up with my first girlfriend my car battery died
  2. I got attacked by a bleeding homeless man last semester
  3. Some tried to be racist to me because I am Irish, and proceeded to try and fight me in a pizza place
  4. While playing spike ball last week, I punched myself directly in the nuts
  5. I am prone to sinus infections
  6. For my 13th birthday, I got a pullup bar – message received
  7. I’ve probably had four total birthdays in my life that I didn’t get sick on
  8. My name was put in a hat with three other people to win tickets to the 2018 NFC championship game, and I was one of the two names that didn’t get picked
  9. I’m allergic to pollen
  10. Sometimes I sweat right through my shirt and have to change it

As you can see, if something bad can happen, it will happen to me. My life just isn’t really easy, so that leads me to believe that if anyone were going to experience something like dick shrinkage from the COVID vaccine, it would be me. But, like I said, there has been no shrinkage to speak of. So, I wouldn’t worry about having to deal with a small (be honest with yourself: smaller) dick if you’re getting the vaccine. With that being said, though, if anyone hears about side effects of Pfizer or any other vaccine causing growth of genitalia, please let me know.

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Written by TFM

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