Drawing A Penis With A Boat Will Only Get You In Trouble

Today a cargo ship got stuck in the Suez Canal and has blocked shipping for hundreds of boats. The canal is up to 229 yards wide in some spots, and somehow a boat still got stuck. I mean, that is the ultimate throwing a hot dog in a hallway. So how the hell did a boat manage to get stuck? Well, somebody thought it would be funny to make their paths like a dick and balls.

And I gotta say it’s fucking hilarious. It doesn’t matter how old you are; drawing a dick and balls on anything is funny, from a small child drawing on dirty windows to drunken adults drawing on strangers snow-covered windows. The first New Year’s Eve party I had at my apartment, I, of course, threw a party. The apartment was on the Main Street of my shitty little hometown. By 1 in the morning, it was just my 2 buddies and me, and we were hammered walking down the street to buy pizza. It was a full-on snowstorm, and every car was covered in snow. Well, what did we do? We, of course, drew dicks on every car’s windows. Then stuffed our faces with pizza. When I’m drunk, I could give 0 fucks about money. The pizza was probably close to $30, and I just handed a 100 dollar bill to my buddy to buy the pizza. Thankfully he is a good friend and gave me the change, but if he decided to pocket the cash, I would’ve thought that the pizza was $100.

Going back to the whole cargo ship, it looks like oil prices are going up because of this god damn asshole captain. Drawing a dick is funny, but if it’s going to cost me extra money, it’s no longer funny. It didn’t help that a sandstorm hit the boat, which made visibility practically nothing. Tug boats are trying to get the boat out, and they’re trying to widen the canal. Other shipping companies need to decide if they will go around Africa instead of taking the canal, which will add about 12 days to all shipping.

So when you get pissed off that your package hasn’t come yet, don’t blame the mailman. Blame the captain who thought it would be funny to draw a penis.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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