Eggo is Now Selling Alcohol

I can’t remember the last time I had an Eggo waffle, but no one can deny that these heavenly breakfast treats were one of the best parts of our childhoods. Now that we’re adults, however, not only are Eggo products unhealthy, but they don’t even really taste that great either. But, Eggo brand alcohol? I can get behind that. According to The New York Post, Eggo has partnered with Sugarlands Distilling Co. to make and sell brunch-flavored liquor. Although it only contains 20% alcohol per volume, I know for a fact that this stuff with get you blasted at your next family brunch. 

While I’m definitely going to be trying this “Brunch in a Jar” beverage, I don’t think that college kids are the target market for this product. Rather, stay-at-home mothers around the country who need to ease the pain of raising three children all under the age of eight. There’s nothing more stressful than the pick-up line at elementary school, so relieve that stress by slamming a couple of glasses of Eggo liquor before you grab your kids! This drink is going to absolutely revolutionize the parent-teacher association meeting pregames. There’s nothing quite as intimidating as a group of hammered middle-aged women who threw away their careers to raise children who spend 80% of their time playing Fortnite or scouring Reddit for OnlyFans leaks. 

Personally, I hope this drink is a huge success. Eggo deserves it. Maybe they’ll even expand to make some new flavors. I went through the jumbo boxes of blueberry Eggo waffles in like two days as a child, so I think you could probably tell which flavor I’d like to see introduced. Regardless, enjoy this beautiful crossover of childhood and adulthood. We might never see something so iconic again for the rest of our lives.

Written by the godfather

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