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Everything You Need to Know About Weed

If you read my last blog, you know that I recently got laid off of my job working at a medical marijuana dispensary. Kind of hilarious, honestly, but it sucks that I now have a crap ton of weed knowledge and no one to share it with. So here we are. Because most of what I know is stuff people don’t typically understand, I’m going to break weed down for you so that you actually have some idea what you’re talking about. I typically make attempts at humor in my blogs, but this one is going to be much more based on me trying to educate you degenerate potheads. So, listen up while I drop some fucking knowledge.

Sativas, Indicas, and Hybrids

Sativa: energy. Indica: rest. Hybrid: somewhere in the middle. Pretty much every strain (Think of a strain like a flavor. That’s not what it is, but it’s the easiest way to describe it) of weed is going to have genetics of both sativas and indicas, but when you see a strain labeled sativa or indica it typically means that it’s going to act a lot more like one than the other. A hybrid is usually a strain that has prominent elements of both sativas and indicas, but it will usually lean more to one side than the other. Know the difference between the three and you will be ahead of most people.

THC and Terpenes

I’m sure most of you are familiar with THC. It’s the thing in weed that makes you high, but what a lot of people don’t know about is that THC isn’t the most important thing in weed. So sure, when the dude that dropped out during your sophomore year of high school puts on his story “95% THC Blueberry Pancake carts for sale” that’s real cool and everything, but it’s probably going to be pretty dog shit. Why is that? Well, when a cart is flavored like something you’d get at a bakery, it typically means that it’s just THC doing the work to affect your high. That’s not what you want. A high THC is always great, but what you should be looking for is a terpene profile because the terpenes drive the THC to work in different ways. The higher the terp percentages, the better your experience is going to be. Terpenes are what determine whether a strain is going to be more indica or sativa. You typically see indica strains with terpenes called “myrcene” and “caryophyllene” in high percentages (usually .5% and above in a terpene means it’s going to really have an effect on the weed), and “terpinolene” and “pinene” are typically seen in sativa strains.

Picking the Right Weed

I worked at a medical dispensary, so a lot of the recommendations I gave to people were based on their various conditions and shit, but my guess is that if you’re reading this blog, you’re more interested in weed in a more recreational sense. I helped plenty of people out with that too. It’s pretty easy to get a good recommendation on weed if you go to a medical dispensary, but if you’re hitting up your older brother’s friend who cuts you a deal because when you two were in the same algebra one class (his third time around, your first) you let him copy all of your homework, chances are you won’t be getting something that’s going to be perfectly suited to you. My advice? Know what kind of person you are. If you’re someone who is typically anxious and sometimes gets real paranoid, it’s probably that you’re not a big fan of terpinolene. If that’s the case, stay away from sativas and go for an indica. If you love to feel really energized and super racy in the head, though, you would probably love sativa. If you have the option to pick, I’d recommend you consider which you’d prefer and see if your friendly neighborhood drug dealer has any options for you.

Those are the biggest things that most people are completely ignorant to when they talk about weed, and now you hopefully know them. Enjoy that knowledge, degenerates.

-Strokes

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Written by VinegarStrokes

Above average intelligence, below average weiner.

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