Fail Friday August 2010: Quantity Over Quality

Welcome back to everyone’s favorite past-time pastime: laughing at what other people used to think was cool!

This month had a LOT more submissions and posts.  More than three times as many as the previous month.  TFM was really taking off by this point.  I found several viable candidates, took 15 of the better ones and just stopped looking.  I did NOT scour all of August. So if you find yourself browsing this month and notice some you think deserve to be on the list post ’em below! 

Noticed a LOT of talk about GDI’s this month.  I guess starting the new school year just reminded people who had been in the Frat Castle/Frastle (as it was called this month) all summer or been home and seeing only their friends, that they now have to deal with people they don’t know or like.

The Wall decided Icing was OUT on multiple occasions, but the comments were still as divided as ever.  There was a good bit of Confederate… respect?  Reverence? Celebration?  “Secession. TFM.  Seceding from the States Rights/Freedom hating North. TFM.”  That kind of shit.  Just odd. 

TSM’s weren’t their own wall yet.  The specific trends aside from what you’d expect were:  how little they ate; “knowing their place;” and not liking new girls… cool.  And in addition to MAINTING them in some ways, both sexes were really proud of DEFYING their parents’ legacies in other ways: “I’m a triple (house) legacy, but I went (other house). Fuck legacies. TFM” I mean, I’m here for going where you fit, but it just seems to go against the traditionalism and conformity that the fancier TFM’s favor…  Oh well.

They just wanted to post anything that was a coherent thought as the site was taking off.  Really wanted to validate and encourage people willing to engage with the site I guess.  The next month didn’t have as many posts (I guess they learned their lesson and were more picky with what made it through.  We will see next week…)

Let’s get to it.

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/uri-6/
Capitalism. TFM
(I mean, it’s not like it’s NF, but what’s the opposite of tryhard?  TrySOFT?  Does he have TRYctile Dysfunction?  This is like the least effort you can put into a TFM.)

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/ut-82/
English. TFM
(What’d I say before? Speaking too soon as a theme for Fail Friday?  Here we fucking go.  I’m guessing you don’t mean the English accent, culture, royalty, college major/classes, etc. but rather just the ubiquity and dominance of the English language… even so… try harder.)

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/texas-tech-182/
Hiroshima. TFM
(Another one-worder, wow. You must be so well traveled, user Bronald Reagan!  That’s amazing!  What’s so frat about it?  Please regale us with tales of all the frat things from Hiroshima!  Or… wait.)

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/fsu-202/
Blindfolded the pledges in the chapter house, shot blanks and dropped punching bags on the floor to make it seem like we killed one of the pledges. Solid start to the hazing season. TFM
(Nothing brings people together like witnessing premeditated murder.)

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/valdosta-state-9/
Dear GDI girl at the bar, No I will not buy you a drink… Try buying some class first. TFM.
(If she’s hot and ready like Little Ceasars you buy that a drink. But if she ain’t and just figures you’ll pay for her next glass, then ok.  This isn’t Total Simp Move.  But the frock don’t discriminate for a one night shack. You will learn this as this series continues.  I’m sure.)

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/south-carolina-32/
If given the choice to hire someone from a Northern Fraternity or a Southern GDI, I’d downsize my company. TFM.
(Downsize by one? Or are you gonna fire a bunch of other people to do a company-wide downsize just to keep from adding either of these dudes? Why not just wait for a third candidate?  Shitty company.)

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/lsu-234/
Tore my ACL doing the Stanky Leg. TFM.
(You thick, boy? Literally tearing it up on the dance floor is NF.)

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/ole-miss-214/
Icing is now officially for GDIs and bottom tier frats. TFM.
(Even the first comment wonders, as I do “Who put your bitch ass in charge?”  Was this motioned, seconded, and passed?  You guys know how I feel about this.  BRING IT BACK BIG!)

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/sec-129/
Knowing the difference between deck shoes and boat shoes and wearing them accordingly. TFM
(Pretty worried about shoes there, my guy.  If they both have deck/boat specific purposes does that mean you don’t wear either on campus?  Kinda missing out on the fratness aren’t cha?) 

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/arkansas-86/
Some fatass GDI walked up to me at the bar and asked why I was wearing Sperry’s. So I asked him “why do you have on nike’s? It’s not like you’ve been working out.” TFM.
(A stranger approached you to ask WHY you were wearing a common brand of shoes?  Is this a thing? Have you guys had this happen to you?  Or am I correct in thinking this is just a shitty setup for an ever shittier punchline?)

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/university-of-pittsburgh/
The people at planned parenthood know me by name. TFM
(Why is that?!  Gotta work pretty hard for that kinda status… This reminds me of the one I got onto an original Fail Friday.  See my TFM History Pt 2 for more about that and others.)

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/texas-state-16/
I was about to fuck this new sorostitute when after a quick game of just the tip she tells me she’s a virgin. I reply “these are 600 thread count Ralph Lauren sheets and I believe you remember the front door”. TFM.
(No, the hell you didn’t. But even if…  It’d be more frat to just rail her and then just get even nicer sheets.  You just really like sheets and not getting messy?  Fancy boy, huh.)

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/fratadise-university/
Told my History 2112 Prof that the Revolutionary War was really started because we were Fratting harder than the British. TFM.
(Yeah? Then he said “Interesting hypothesis!” and shoots you a wink. After class he gives you the grip and the answers to the midterm and final to add to the test bank!)

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/lsu-123/
Dad bought Morgan Freeman to narrate my life. TMF.
(I don’t think this is supposed to be a slavery thing but I’m not THAT sure considering the rest of the month as mentioned above.  Also how do you misspell TFM? The Wall is edited by the mods before publishing; how did that slip?  TMF. Tandem Mega Fail.)

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/alabama-183/
I dont keep my slampieces on a leash, I grab em by the collar. TFM.
(Is this a euphemism I don’t know? I genuinely cannot find any context for this… no comments, no other posts it might be referencing from around the same time… homie just wants us to know that he puts his sexual partners in collars and not leashes and the mods approved it for the Wall.  Being myself a southerner and looking at a post from Alabama, I don’t wanna have to make a “Boy, you fuckin’ the dog now, boy?” joke but I’ve done my due diligence and YOU’RE JUST NOT LEAVING ME A LOTTA OPTIONS!)

And as always… as much as things change, so do they stay the same:

https://archive.totalfratstg.wpengine.com/tcu-188/
Making a pledge wear an American flag shirt everyday. We call him the “pledge of allegiance.” TFM.
(Possibly the highest, I’m not going to check, voted TFM of all time. It’s just good clean, honest, hazing fun. Doesn’t have to be extravagant or violent. Gotta love it.)

I’m going to start accepting new TFM’s. DM me or TFM on Twitter or the official TFM Instagram and get those in. Include your school or state… or don’t. If the new kids on the block can do any better than an old school Fail then I will make a post about it. Like a Reverse Fail Friday… Winning Wednesday? New-Wall Wednesday? Step Up Saturday? TFMonday? If you can’t then I won’t. An official challenge will come later but this is your preliminary offer to get at me! I’ll consult with other contributors to determine quality we will go from there! Sounds like a good thing to do on Twitch, no? Go give Twitch.tv/TotalFratMove if you don’t want to miss that.