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Fail Friday September 2010: Choices That Should Be Reconsidered

I gotta admit, there were a lot of clever ones this month.  Then there were the type of bad ones that don’t even have anything you can say about them.  It’s just like, “bruh,” or “yeah?”  But there were also a lot of good clean fun hazing ones.  Making one carry his books to class in a Radio Flyer little red wagon.  Or making one pledge always wear a yellow shirt and carry a dish rag because he’s “Lemon Pledge.” Or making two dress in golf clothes and drive around in a golf cart asking everyone “Where do we tee off?” with no golf course anywhere near by.  Not torture, just out of your comfort zone stuff.
Convinced a girl I started TFM. Got laid. TFM.
(“You did?! Oh my gosh! TFM makes me so hot!” Full on lifestyle fabrication to get a girl in bed…TFM?)
My second wife hasn’t even been born yet. TFM
(Is it pedophelia if they aren’t even a baby but just an idea?  He’s not sexualizing her necessarily… I almost left this one out until I saw a comment from user TeabaggingSingleMothers about not standing for flappy pussies after 3 kids.  Ok so do you or don’t you like single mothers?  Try to stay on brand, chuckles.  More than 10 years later, I wonder what kind of pussies TeabaggingSingleMothers is getting into.)
If you don’t watch Fox News, then fuck you. TFM.
(HARD stance, Florida man.  Not only do they have to share your political affiliation but also news and television habits…and again: the mods let this through.  People can’t just put whatever they want up.  It’s submitted then approved!)
Nothing stings more than seeing a beautiful southern belle holding hands with a gelled hair, abercrombie cargos, white shoes GDI. A true waste of one of God’s beautiful creations. TFM
(Sound kinda jealous, my guy.  Don’t have any girls of your own keeping you busy, not worrying about what other guys are doing?  Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, “lesser” guys get hot girls too when they just present themselves confidently as good enough.)
It’s a fact that if Ed Hardy made condoms there would be a lot less GDI’s in the world. TFM.
(It’d be “fewer” not “less.”   Also Ed Hardy does make condoms… weird.)
Waterboarding pledges because that’s what W. would do. TFM.
(I do not think that’s what an active member George W. would do. Not very fratalicious, user Fratalicious.  The only commenter defending this one is using the word “fratty.”  Don’t ever type “fratty.”  You can say it out loud it in rare instances but I can’t think of any specific uses off the top of my head.)
GDI asked me “What will money matter when you die? You can’t take it with you.” I said “No, but I can pass it on to my fratstar sons, and one day my family will help rid the world of GDIs like you. TFM.
(That escalated quickly in that last moment, there.  Coming this summer, get ready for…The Frurge {Frat-Purge}: GDI Extinction!)
Naming your kid your exact first and last name in honor of yourself. TFM.
(That is a very common thing to do there, junior.  You also left out the middle name.  Describing it in a more selfish perspective doesn’t make it any less common.  Only 3rds and beyond are frat.)
Pledge, I am your father. TFM.
(But are you his Daddy?  Are you at all surprised this was from user Brobi Wan Kenobi?)
We did it to Japan we can do it to Iran. TFM
(I mean we CAN.  But the international ramifications would be significantly different and you have to consider…. oh it rhymes.  You did it ‘cause it rhymes.)
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces, while handicapped people make handicapped faces. TFM.
(Not a particularly frat thing to do, honestly.  Just weird to… oh it rhymes.  You did ’cause it rhymes.  Still NF.)
N.I.L.F. – Natty I’d Like to Finish. TFM.
(So… any that you open…all of them?  Seems kind of arbitrary.)
Just saw a GDI Stuff a longboard into his cargos. TFM
(I know what he’s trying to say, but the image of this dude seeing someone stuff a whole longboard in a giant single cargo pocket reaching all the way down to the ground, then have his draw dropping wide open and thinking to himself, “Woah. TFM” made me chuckle.)
Total Frat Move the television show. TFM.
( I just watched Total Frat Movie, and no.  Just no.  Or would this be a pseudo-reality show?  The Office but it’s the fictitious “TFM Headquarters” starring all your favorite writers. Maybe it’s a really normal, decent fraternity that has to deal with a rival frat that is exactly what all the most obnoxious TFM’s claim to be, contradictions and all…)
Stole a gdi’s parking spot, got out of the car, looked at him said “TFM” and walked off. TFM.
(What is it with slapping something out of their hand, or saying something, and then “walking off?”  It keeps happening as I read over these…. But this?  This just takes it to a whole new level.)

And yet, as much as things change… so do they stay the same.
Pledgeship: The greatest time of our lives we never want to relive. TFM.

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  1. You think you’re cool? Are you 8 popped collars cool? He said he WAS cool, so I popped my SECRET 9TH COLLAR and WALKED AWAY.

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