Five Essential Items to Have at College

High Quality TP

College is supposed to be the best four years of your life. How can you pretend like you’re living in the best possible way if you’re not spoiling your asshole a wee bit. One of the first things I did in my first semester of freshman year was having my mother send me the highest quality toilet paper Amazon had in stock, and I had people requesting to buy the cushy rolls off of me. Treat your buttholes right when you get to school, and save the sandpaper for when you’re at home.

An Air Fryer

I will go to my grave on the fact that the air fryer is the single greatest kitchen invention of all time. All the convenience of the microwave, with the cooking capabilities of an oven. If you’re in a dorm, chances are this is not a legal item to have in your room. Neither is the case of Natty you have under your bed, so don’t be a pussy and make the purchase anyway. It’s 1000% worth it. Trust me.

A Venmo Account

Believe it or not, there are people out there without a Venmo. Don’t be one of those people. No one likes the guy that asks for change when he chips in for his share of the beer you bought for the weekend. Venmo is the standard payment method of college, so make sure that you’re prepared before you get to school.

A Second Set of Bedding

This is a just in case thing (I’ve never needed it #quickflex), but one that you’ll undoubtedly be happy you have if the situation arises. I’d say a good sixty percent of college students will have a night where their beds are casualties of the regurgitation of warm Naturdays, and having a second set of bedding can save you massive amounts of time in the laundry room trying to wash the dried puke out of a comforter.

Several iPhone Chargers

Your charger will, without fail, break or get lost at least twice in the course of a year at college, so go prepared with back-ups. Borrowing chargers throughout the day so that you can continue to Snapchat the girl that is only talking to you because she knows she can get a free drunk meal out of you is not a great way to live life.