I don’t care if you take pre-med classes at an Ivy League school, or study Communications at the local community college. These five people are in every college class in America.
The Brown Noser
In my first class today, the professor called the same student a brown noser twice. She said, “thank you.” I’m not sure which of us has the wrong connotation for that word, because I thought it was a bad thing. Considering it refers to someone getting their nose real dirty in attempts to suck up to someone, I’m not changing my opinion. That being said, there is one person in each college class who is desperate for the professor’s attention. The parents of these people should’ve said, “I love you,” a lot more.
The Open Mic Comic
Open mic comedians are at the bottom of the comedy world. Most of them are just starting their careers in comedy, and are desperate for an audience to tell jokes to. There is also one of these people in every class. They will chime in with a joke at every opportunity. They will misconstrue twenty slight nose exhales as laughter. This person wants to be friends with everyone in the class. Instead, everyone will politely avoid them on campus at all costs.
Shamelessly Not Paying Attention
This is my favorite classmate. Every. Single. Time. This person is on their phone the entire time. This applies to a lot of students these days, but this person doesn’t even hide it. They will stare at their screen for an extended period of time, text with two hands, and sometimes even put their phone to their ear for clean audio. These people also keep to themselves, and are surprisingly willing to pull their weight in group projects. Get to know them on a very surface level. A conversation with them is worth more than anything else you’ll get out of Microeconomics anyway.
The Stoner
Technically, this is the only one I know has been in every single one of my college classes. Although, I’m also pretty confident that I’m rarely alone in this stereotype. There is at least one kid in every college class who is either high, or planning on getting high after class. Typically, this person speaks only when spoken too, as they are too busy playing Tetris in their head to actually contribute. Although I comfortably fit under the umbrella of this term, I’m not afraid to admit that these people suck about fifty percent of the time. Also, the professors know exactly who this person is by the second week.
The Passionate One
Never be this person. I understand that college is considered a great opportunity, and is expensive for people who suck at sports. Either way, the passionate person in every class needs to take it down a few notches. Even when they sit in the middle of the class to blend in, they’re identified by the rest of the class from the first time they use the word, “dream.” It doesn’t matter if you are in an advertising class, an accounting class, or something you took as a free A. There will be one person in your class who is more passionate about it than Gregg Poppovich is about basketball. They will make everyone else’s life a little bit worse.
