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Five People Who Really Suck

People Who Only Speak in TikTok Trends

I love TikTok as much as the next guy (@Saturday.class, go give me a follow. Yes, this is a shameless plug), but if every other sentence out of your mouth is one of the five sounds that are currently trending on TikTok, you have serious issues. I’m not saying there isn’t a time and a place for tossing in something you got from that Chinese app, but you should also be able to have an original thought once in a while because regurgitating a TikTok sound over and over is probably the biggest beta move in the book.

Non-Sports Fans Who Have Opinions on Sports

In my Sports Writing class, I got into a full-on argument with a kid about whether or not chess players are athletes. It’s pretty fucking simple: they’re not, and chess isn’t a sport. The dickhead in my class, though, decided that, despite the fact that he openly admitted he’s never really watched or played a sport, he was going to have an opinion on the matter. And you know what? I don’t think “opinion” is the right word for it because that implies that there is no right answer, and there very clearly is.

Anyone Who Says The Office is a “Bad Show”

I’m not saying The Office is the best show of all time. In fact, I will go to battle any day of the week to say that it might not even crack the top ten. But there are a bunch of assholes who watched the first three episodes and decided that it wasn’t good. No one’s saying you have to like the show, but stop telling everybody who will listen to your braindead mouth open and close that it’s a bad show. It wouldn’t be one of the most popular ones of all time if that were the case.

People Who Count Drinks

If you’re walking around a gathering and counting people’s beers, I’m just telling you now that there is a special place in hell for you. I don’t know what it is about seeing other people indulge in a couple too many and pointing it out that sends blood flow to your non-existent dick, but on behalf of everyone who likes to have a good time: get a UTI and fall down a flight of stairs.

Rob Manfred

Fuckin’ hate that guy.

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Written by TFM

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