Alex Becker
Like most dudes in their 20s, I often go out most weekends. Some buddies and I will pregame at someone’s apartment for a bit, getting a nice buzz going, and head out to a bar to stand in a circle and do the same exact thing we were doing at home. Is it fun? Sure. Could it be better? Definitely. Obviously we all want to be drunk when going out. You guys know that, I don’t need to explain myself. Yet, just because we need to be drunk, doesn’t mean we need to restrict ourselves to solely going out to bars. Start getting drunk instead of buzzed at your pregames and then go somewhere fun. Screw the bar and all that socializing drama. Instead, here are five other places to go out.
A Comedy Club
Unless you are Bill Belichick and despise happiness, comedy clubs are always a surefire good time. I honestly don’t think I need to lay out my case too hard here. There are funny people telling funny (hopefully inappropriate) jokes to you while you drink a MINIMUM of two alcoholic beverages. Yes, they actually encourage more drinking. Now that’s the type of place I wanna be.
The Zoo
While the zoo doesn’t appreciate alcohol as much as comedy clubs, they don’t breathalyze so feel free to enter as blacked out as you wish. I will say that most zoos close after sundown, so either prepare to day drink or commit trespassing. If you’re up for the latter, you will get the most exclusive zoo experience ever. You are basically getting an African safari for free, except the animals are in cages and you can be piss drunk. Pro tip: search up an animal’s mating call if you want a better look at it. They almost always approach the railing when they hear the sound, even if it’s just from a video.
Costco
Two words: free samples. Three more words: $1.50 hot dogs. Shall I go on?
Dave & Buster’s
Also known as “the bestest place on the Earth,” D&B has everything a drunkie could ever want. There’s a full sit down restaurant, a bar, skee ball, and a whole bunch of games to win tickets. You can’t possibly tell me that standing around in a hot, crowded bar is more fun than air hockey. It’s just not and it never will be. Plus, once you’re a tad belligerent, you won’t even mind that you spent $200 to win enough tickets for a Tootsie Roll.
The Circus
Full disclosure: I’m not 100% certain that circuses (circi?) still exist. Personally, I haven’t been to one since I was like 5 years old. However, I am certain that drunk me would enjoy face painting, balloon animals, and elephants on unicycles way more than forcing small talk with mutual friends in a dark, sweaty room. Clowns may be scary, I’ll admit that, but there is nothing more terrifying than a girl you’ve met before asking you her name, and I promise you that will never happen at a circus. Could you say the same about a bar? Didn’t think so.
