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Five Unwritten Rules of College Friendship

Throughout four years of college, you’ll be thrown in the middle of situations both serious and silly, and in many cases, there are unwritten rules that go along with these situations. Sure, some mays seem obvious, but for others, it’s important that these “Unwritten” rules become written. It’s true. There are actually people out there stupid enough to not realize when some things just shouldn’t need to be said out loud.

Rule 1: Don’t Count Beers

It’s one thing to cut somebody off if the amount of alcohol they’ve had is a danger to themselves or others, but if you’re friends with someone, you don’t count how many beers they’ve had to drink. It’s not cool, and it can make your friend look like a drunk and you look like a complete asshole.

Rule 2: No Man Left Behind

Unless your boy is on a path to have sex, you don’t dip a party, bar, get-together – whatever – without letting him know. If the fellas are taking their talents somewhere else, all the boys need to be included in that information and offered space in an Uber. It’s bogus to dip on one guy just because it looks like he’s having fun. If you came as a group, everyone should have the knowledge when the group is leaving.

Rule 3: Blacked Out Conversations Stay Private

In the course of a blacked-out conversation, a man may say some of the most inappropriate, offensive things you’ve ever heard. He may babble on nonsensically about the plot of the movie War Dogs, he may profess love for someone ­– fuck, he could admit to murder. Whatever the contents of that conversation are, though, they remain a secret amongst the people present and no one else. 

Rule 4: You’ll Never Fight Alone

You shouldn’t go looking for a fight, but chances are that over four years in college, there’s going to be one or two. If your boy starts scrapping with someone, you’re immediately involved if it begins to escalate. I’m not saying make it a two on one (pause) right away, but if someone starts getting the upper hand, it’s your job to jump in and save the guy if he’s your friend. Plain and simple, you don’t let friends lose fights if you can help it.

Rule 5 (AKA The Golden Rule): Bros B4 Hoes

Throughout college, it’s important to remember that above all else, you stay loyal to your boys. That means that there are certain things that aren’t done, like, for instance, hooking up with the girl your roommate has been interested in for close to two years. Girls come and go, but the boys are forever, so doing something like that is a scum move beyond all others. Your boy might get through it with you, but things won’t ever be the same. And that girl? Forget about her. She’s gone for good – it’s as if she doesn’t exist. Rule 5 is the most important because it defines the loyalty of a friendship. You would think it would be the simplest to follow, but for some people, it can be difficult to not sneak around behind someone’s back and cross the clearest line in the sand. Beware of breaking rule five. Actions have consequences, and if you break rule five, those consequences can be severe.

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Written by VinegarStrokes

Above average intelligence, below average weiner.

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