So, one of my blogs not too long ago was “6 Girls You Should Avoid at All Costs”, and I feel like I did a pretty decent job of putting out there some girls that you should stay away from at all costs. But there’s another side to that, and now it’s time to talk about the girls that you should hang on to at all costs. I’d hate for anyone to end up like Kanye or A-Rod and piss away a girl that most guys would kill for. I know that I would kill for J-Lo – I wouldn’t kill a good person, but if you put a scumbag in front of me (some kind of serial killer or terrorist preferably), I would without a doubt commit murder to be with her, and that’s a no question. Here we go.
1. Tall Girls
I like to think of myself as an average height guy at 5’10”, and I don’t really have any problems with my height, at least anymore. When I was sixteen and I was only 5’2” weighing 115 pounds soaking wet it was a different story, but we’re good now. The thing is, though, that I’ve got the genes of a mother and grandmother who are both only five feet tall, which means that it’s on me to reset the gene pool. For me to create the athletic freaks of nature that I so desperately want to have, I’m going to need someone with some height. So, if you’ve got a girl that’s around your height (maybe even taller), lock that shit in. Watching your eleven-year-old son hit cock shots in little league will be so worth her having to wear flat shoes anytime you take a picture together, trust me.
2. The Generous Ones
I spent more money on my ex than I will ever publicly admit, and that’s because I’m a tool. She always chipped in and everything, but I wasn’t exactly frugal, which is what has made me realize that a girl who is willing to be the money bags of a relationship is a good one to say the least. So fellas, if you’ve got a sugar mama, never let her go. Fuck whatever societal norms say that we’re supposed to foot the bill for everything. If she’s ready to shell out the cash on dinner and let you spend that money on beer, she’s a keeper as far as I’m concerned.
3. The Simple Ones
If you can’t find a girl that’s willing to be the breadwinner in the relationship, it’s time to look for the next best thing: the ones who don’t want to do much. Quarantine was a beautiful time in relationships because you couldn’t really go out to eat or anything, so most interactions had to be something along the lines of sit on the couch and watch a movie. If there’s a girl out there who is ready to take that beyond COVID, pursue her at all costs. Personally, I don’t think I’d ever pass up on a girl that’s perfectly content sitting on my couch with my lazy ass while I eat potato chips and watch a Sixers game.
4. The Genuine Sports Fans
Speaking of sitting on the couch and watching a Sixers game. This one might be somewhat controversial, but I truly believe that a girl who’s ready to go to Lincoln Financial Field with me and not only watch a Birds game, but have a genuine stake in the outcome of the game is a MAJOR dub. We’re talking a Jenny from The League type of girl. I pray I find someone who makes sure that during the months of September to February, we’re not stuck at some stupid fucking brunch instead of watching football for nine hours.
Now, if you can somehow find a girl that’s a combination of all four, be ready to propose now. It doesn’t matter if you’re fifteen or fifty: that’s the fucking dream. That’s the girl that’s basically one of your closest boys, but she has boobs, which makes her better. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for?