Right now, colleges across the country are experiencing what can only be described as the pure bliss of thousands of students returning to campus to wreak havoc until classes begin. If you’re like me, that also means that breakfast is served at around 3:30 in the afternoon, consisting of whatever microwaveable item I have on hand, and dinner comes around 2am with a $47 McDonald’s bill for which you will never see a single dollar Venmoed your way. It’s magical. But pretty soon, classes will be in full swing, and you’ll have to get into some kind or routine. And let’s face it: it’s not sustainable to DoorDash every meal. You’re going to have to know how to cook something, so it’s best to learn how to cook a few things that aren’t usually too expensive.
Get a bowl of water, put a little olive oil in it, and boil that sucker. Then you drop the pasta in and wait until it’s the right texture. Slap some sauce on and grab some sprinkle parmesan cheese, and boom: you have a meal. It’s really fucking simple. It also costs relatively nothing when you consider the fact that you can get a few servings out of just one box.
Get a grill, put foods on said grill, and cook them. I can’t think of something easier to make. If you don’t have a grill, do it on the frying pan.
I’d recommend going pork roll (fuck “Taylor Ham”) and bacon on a bagel, but every person is different. Just make sure it has a healthy amount of your meat of choice (pause), cheese, and a couple eggs. Oh, and toast whatever bread you’re going to put it on. We’re not animals.
I think chicken amongst other things should be added, but you can do just cheese on a tortilla. Why stop yourself there, though? Throw some hot sauce, some mac and cheese, and some grilled chicken on it too. Buffalo chicken mac and cheese quesadilla. Done.
Meat and cheese and whatever else you want on some tortilla chips. Put in oven until cheese melts.
Peanut Butter and Jelly/Fluffer Nutter/Peanut Butter and Nutella
This shouldn’t be every meal, but it’s an essential food to have handy. The only thing to remember is that you have to put peanut butter on both pieces of the bread and whatever else you’re having in the middle. That is the right way to do things.
I think I pretty much covered some of the more basic foods you should be able to cook, but if you struggle with basic human understanding and can’t figure out how to fry an egg, there’s always the option of buying as much microwaveable meals as possible and tossing them in an air fryer.