Alex Becker
Small seemingly insignificant details about a person can really tell you a lot about them. While prejudice isn’t typically regarded as a positive attribute, there are a couple instances where you are able to accurately judge someone’s entire persona based on a single opinion or trait of theirs. Here are the four quickest ways to find out everything you need to know about a guy.
Their For You Page
If you want to find out as much about a person in the shortest amount of time possible, just take a look at their FYP on Tiktok. The Chinese app that capitalizes on the American ADHD pandemic is as tell-all about a person as their diary. It knows what they like, what they hate, and even what makes them laugh or cry. For some people their entire For You Page is cooking videos and sports, while for others it may be borderline neo-Nazi propaganda and Andrew Tate cosplay. I once found out my friend was gay just from scrolling through his feed (although he still refuses to admit it). If you dare go through a person’s liked videos you could really tell what intrigues them, whether that be animals dressed like other animals or special needs children reviewing all of the Wingstop flavors.
Chain Restaurants
There are two types of people in this world: people who live by chain restaurants and those who have never tried them. If you are in the latter group, it’s time for you to make a serious change in your life. People love to hate on chain restaurants and say things like “they’re for poor people” and “didn’t some guy find a finger in his food?” So what? Get over yourself and stop hating. I swear anyone who says they don’t eat at chain restaurants has never been inside of a Chili’s. I’m not saying you should eat solely at Applebee’s, but if you hear someone talk shit about Texas Roadhouse just know that person is both a liar and hater. Sure, Outback doesn’t have the greatest steak on Earth, but for $23 with bread and two sides it’s pretty damn good. People who refuse to eat at chains are soft, cubicle, cogs in this machine we call life. They never get their hands dirty and have had everything fed to them on silver spoons. They are the type of dude to pinch during a fist fight and call “their lawyer” everytime something doesn’t go their way. Stay away from these people, they’re no good and won’t ever have your back.
How They React Watching Sports
All dudes react differently to sports. There are too many types of fans to go through all of them, but here are the ones you should avoid at all costs. The fan who always thinks their favorite team will win has too high of confidence and will become extremely annoying very quickly. The guy who thinks his team always sucks creates his own problems in life, will eventually give himself depression, and ultimately get divorced in the future. The dude who says “I can’t watch” during big moments is overly dramatic and craves attention. The yeller who screams at the top of his lungs the entire time will end up in prison over a domestic violence charge. And the guy who says he’s a fan but truly just sits on his phone the whole game is a desperate liar who has no self-respect for himself. If I just described you, it’s time to take a good ol’ look in the mirror my friend because people have hated you for a while now.
I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson
As one of the most obscure, alternative, and divisive forms of comedy out there right now, Tim Robinson’s sketch comedy show I Think You Should Leave is the perfect way to get to know someone. Anybody who doesn’t “get it” immediately sucks. If you think it’s stupid or unfunny or say it “doesn’t make sense,” please never speak to me. You clearly have no sense of humor and should stick to your Three Stooges level of sophistication. I mean if you don’t think that big fat loads of cum in a haunted mansion are funny, what are you even doing with your life? You are the type of person who thinks that they are above everyone else and I just cannot be around someone like you. You are the type of person to use a poncho instead of an umbrella and automatically say “the book was better” as soon as you see a movie. No one likes you and I think it’s best if you leave (see what I did there).
