Alex Becker
Today’s world sucks. Everything costs $100, you aren’t allowed to be funny without getting labeled as some type of phobe, and we for some reason value turtle’s lives over being able to drink water. I hate it. Oftentimes, I find myself wishing that things could go back to normal like when I was a kid. The good ol’ days, if you would. However, the society that I grew up in is gone. That era is over. Yet, just because something is gone, doesn’t mean it is forgotten. Well, at least I haven’t forgotten. Here are four things that have disappeared from society.
Old Fashioned McDonald’s
McDonald’s is obviously still around and serving up great food. However, the old school environment that McDonald’s used to possess has completely disappeared. At some point in time, McDonald’s did a huge rebrand where they started selling coffee and called themselves McCafé. Screw that. I want the PlayPlace back. Remember when you were a kid and you could bring your McNugget Happy Meal into a jungle gym that was covered in grease, tears, and asbestos? That was the best. Even the Happy Meal itself has been ruined. When I was growing up we got a choice of a boy or girl toy in our meal. Sure, they’d give you the wrong one seemingly on purpose, but you still got an option. Nowadays, children aren’t even allowed to have genders so they just give away books. That’s true, Google it.
Chuck Norris
I’m not really sure how this happened, but Chuck Norris has completely disappeared from pop culture. I honestly couldn’t even tell you his true profession, but everyone in the mid 2000s knew about Chuck Norris. He was the epitome of masculinity and achieving the impossible. I had a full Chuck Norris poster in my room. Couldn’t tell you why exactly, but back then that was peak comedy. Norris was everywhere from Family Guy to Dodgeball, and now you never even hear of him. Here’s a conspiracy theory: Chuck Norris got too powerful so the government replaced him with John Cena. I don’t have much proof for that, but I see John Cena too often and not enough Chuck Norris.
Boston Market
I’m pretty sure these still exist, but I personally haven’t come across one in at least a half-decade. Boston Market used to be my jam. You ever just crave Thanksgiving on a random Monday in the spring? I know I do. Boston Market would give you all the Turkey Day fixins without the horrible family drama. Plus, cornbread! Honestly, I don’t know why BM has done so poorly recently. Thanksgiving themed fast food is definitely a niche market, but I swear there’s gotta be a fanbase. I can’t be the only one who likes stuffing, mashed potatoes, and mac and cheese year round. People are way too into these make your own salad establishments and need to get back into true American cuisine — loads of fat, sodium, and cholesterol. Now those are some good ingredients.
Getting To The Airport Way Too Early
Okay, maybe I don’t really miss this one, but I hate how the older generation doesn’t realize this isn’t a thing anymore. It seems no one over the age of 45 has realized the magic of technology and still shows up to the airport 4 hours in advance. We can get boarding passes on our phones and print our own bag tags. Yet, whenever I travel with my family, we end up at the airport way too early, leaving me to wander around a 20-square-foot Hudson News for over two hours. The one good thing about today’s society is that I can show up to the airport 15 minutes before takeoff and still have time to buy water in some sillyass container before I board the plane. That reminds of something else that disappeared. Where the hell are all the normal water bottles in airports? Let’s bring those back so I don’t need to drink out of a milk carton during turbulence.
