Summer is a difficult time for us degenerates. With baseball and the occasional golf tournament being the only watchable sports right now, our betting power and frequency is extremely limited. While we could save up our money for the NFL’s return in two months, we are far too addicted to just give up our greatest passion for eight weeks. So, in an effort to satisfy all of our gambling needs, I have come up with four alternative types of betting. All you need for these are at least one other friend that wants to lose make a bunch of money. Here are four untraditional things to gamble on.
Simulated Video Games
Playing video games is fun. You know what’s more fun? Betting on CPU vs CPU Madden. It’s essentially like betting on the real NFL except the score ends 57-43 and Roger Goodell doesn’t have the refs rig it. You bet spreads, moneylines, and even player props if you’re feeling dicey. Hell, you can bet on any video game, even non-sports. Personally, I’ve thrown hundreds of dollars on Metaknight to dub in a simulated game of Super Smash Bros. Maybe that’s not “fiscally responsible” or whatever, but it sure does get your blood pumping.
Cooking Shows
This is something I often do with my friends. Turn on an episode of some cooking show, whether it be Chopped, Guy’s Grocery Games, or some Netflix disaster like Is It Cake? Then, watch all of the contestant intro videos, but pause the show before the games begin. Each bettor selects a contestant (no overlap allowed) and throws in money. At the end of the show, whoever’s contestant wins is the winner and gets the pot of money. I promise you this is even better than betting on regular season NBA games. You will never yell at someone to julienne or flambé as hard in your life. I know you think it sounds stupid, but I promise it’s the greatest gambling in the world.
Waffles
No, I’m not talking about breakfast. If you have ever been a part of the bong community, you know exactly what I mean. Waffles, as they’re referred to, are raffles where each entry fee adds up to total the cost of the winning prize. For example, if a bong costs $200, there would be a waffle that has ten spots for $20 each. That way, the seller of the bong gets $200 and people have a chance to win a bong for way less than it’s worth.
Though usually used for weed paraphernalia, waffles can be used for anything, including just money. If you are ever bored, just get some friends and open a waffle. It could be as small as 5x$1 or even as big as 20x$100. To settle who wins the money, you could get as creative as you want. Most people use an online random number generator, but you could make your own ping pong ball lottery or use an online duck race generator. That’s the beauty of the waffle. They are extremely customizable and can fit any group of degens no matter how much money or time they want to waste.
Dreidel
Okay, if you are anti-semetic just stop reading here. Yes, I am Jewish. While most of us are responsible and cautious with our money, that doesn’t mean we don’t have our fair share of degens. Hence, our creation of the world’s best gambling: dreidel. A dreidel is a spinning top with four sides. It looks like this:
Each side shows a different letter which corresponds to how much money you get on that spin. The game begins by each player putting in a certain amount of money (the amount is up to you). Players take turns spinning the dreidel. If a player spins a gimmel (ג), they take the entire pot. When a hey (ה) is rolled, the player who spun takes half of the pot. If a nun (נ) is rolled, you get nothing. And finally, if you roll a shin (ש) not only do you get nothing, but you actually need to add another ante to the pot.
It is a simple game made for children to be played with chocolate coins, yet is so much more fun with real coinage on the line. Don’t knock it until you try it. Us Jews may not be the most athletic or good looking people in the world, but if we’re good for anything it’s bagels and getting the best bang for your buck. Trust me, dreidel doesn’t just give you a bang for your buck, it gives you full-on blood pressure spikes.
