Four Worst Things About the Dentist

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checking the teeth at the dentist office

I just got back from the dentist, and I really can’t understand why it gets such a bad reputation, said no one ever. I did just back from the dentist, and no matter how important it is to go every six months, you better believe I’m not going back again until I need to. I probably get hit in the nuggets twice a year, and I can live with that. But you don’t have to take time out of your schedule that could be used getting high and playing Hogwarts Legacy to schedule it.

Anyway, here are the four worst things about the dentist, because it sucks everywhere other than in Horrible Bosses. 

Dental Conversation

I think there are a lot of social boundaries that should be respected a bit more. Let pregnant women have your seat on public transportation. Don’t talk to a stranger at a urinal. Somehow it isn’t common knowledge to not attempt a conversation with someone who’s mouth you currently have three fingers in. There’s nothing more infuriating then being asked a question and having to answer with a combination of thumbs up/down, and a series of gargles. It’s beyond me how they dental school doesn’t teach people not to engage in small talk. 

Sharp Things

I regularly avoid flossing for weeks at a time. This is simply because I get to a point that I know my gums will bleed. As a result, I go into the dentist with an oral abomination. The dental hygienist is definitely underpaid the day they have to clean my teeth. As a result, they have to really go to town to clean parts of my mouth that have been unadressed for far too long. I always bleed, and I usually cry. This part is fun for no one involved. 

Waiting Room

Somehow, the playlist at my dentist has not progressed past the my mom’s favorite radio station from 2006. It’s also a bummer for people like me who think the lack of a wedding ring on the middle-aged receptionist’s finger is an invite to shoot my shot with her, so I get rejected and sit in embarrassment with my head in my hands waiting for the dentist to call me in so I can end my shame. It’s just a really uncomfortable place.

Dentist Chairs

I like roller coasters, but the movement of the chair at the dentist’s office is out of hand. Dentists should be required to pick dental hygienists who are similar heights to them so the patient isn’t going for a ride every time they switch. Sometimes, if the person who’s index finger is massaging your gums is short enough, your head goes below your feet. I’m no doctor (so basically, I’m a dentist) but I don’t think that’s safe. These guys need to find a more practical seating option then the one they have chosen. 

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