So, I just watched one of my first Snapchat memories from my freshman year of college. For reference this was fall of 2019, and all I could see was how fucking skinny my friends and I all were. Now, I wouldn’t consider myself fat, but I’ve definitely put on a few pounds – twenty to be exact. But to be fair, most of that has gone to the absolute bubble butt I’ve got… I’m talking a Kyle Lowry level rumpus. That jump is nothing compared to the jump from 190 to 230 that my roommate made, though. But the reality of the situation is that I think it was totally worth it. Could I stand to lose some weight? Sure. Do I have any desire to commit to some kind of diet or insane gym program? Not even a little. In a couple weeks, I’ll probably start going on a few runs a week so that I feel okay when I have to take my shirt off in public this summer – six feet away from everyone who I’m around of course. But I’m sorry, I really don’t care too much about the weight I’ve put on since getting to school, and I honestly don’t think that anyone in a similar situation should.
In college, people drink. That’s kind of what the point of it all is. And getting an education – don’t worry Mom and Dad, I have a 4.0 this semester. Anyway, drinking will make you gain weight. If that’s news to you, I’m sorry, but also, you’re a fucking idiot. Alcohol will also make you hungry, which has led me to kill countless pizzas at two in the morning, and I wouldn’t trade the hazy memories of screaming, “Best pizza in Pittsburgh!” at the top of my lungs when getting them for anything. So, here’s a message to everyone who’s currently been experiencing more of a gut than they’d like to:
Don’t worry about it. Seriously. If going to the gym every day isn’t something you enjoy doing, I think you can afford to wait until you graduate to start doing that. If you love going to the gym, I’m not telling you to stop, but I am saying that you only get four or five years of college, so if working out isn’t something that you can enjoy, don’t add something into your life that’s going make your life shitty even if it’s just for a half hour. Joining the work force and all the stress of real life is going to make you wish you were back in some basement with your student ID and right shoe missing, not wish you had spent some more time on the treadmill. Now, if you end up getting horizontally challenged to the point where you feel like you have to lower your one threshold (if you don’t understand what that means, feel free to inform yourself here), then it’s up to you if you want to stop counting jerking off as exercise and find an elliptical.
My point is, I don’t feel like it’s worth it to make your life any harder in a time that should only be filled with the stresses of classwork. That’s all I have the energy to write because I’m watching the Sixers’ game right now, and Dwight Howard just got ejected for FUCKING NOTHNG followed up with a technical on Paul Reed by the same referee. That ref is a fucking dork, and the NBA hates the Sixers. Joel Embiid still deserves MVP. Furkan Korkmaz is high key my favorite NBA player in history. That’s all.