Getting Drunk On A Boat Is Americas Last Bastion Of Freedom

America has had many great past times over its time. Like baseball, the Superbowl, and backyard barbeques. But another pastime I believe that is constantly being flown under the radar is ripping darts, pounding nooners, and getting high with your boys on a boat. There are many ways we Americans consume alcohol like beer bongs, funnels, and straight out of the can.

But all of these things are amplified when you’re on a pontoon cruising down a lake with the fellas. If you like waterskiing try it when you’re drunk, if you like smoking darts smoke them on a boat, if you like swimming try swimming while double-fisting two nooners. The possibilities are virtually limitless. People will tell many things like “ You’re more likely to drown”, “You can’t drive a boat while you drunk”, and “You shouldn’t even bring alcohol on the lake”. Nonsense last time I checked this was the United States Of America and we have a right to get drunk, party, and get laid anywhere we want.

Don’t let the posers and the losers in the world tell you when and where you can get drunk and high. Especially on a boat, the boat in my eyes is the last American institution we have left. I mean for Christ’s sake we threw the tea overboard on a boat cause the damn price was too high, and we started a war with Cuba because they blew up one of our boats.

Boats are the last bastion of freedom in America and the last great drinking institution we have. In summary, don’t get drunk on land buy a boat invite the boys, invite the gals, and get hammered. In the Immortal words of Dale Doback And Brennen Huff “boats and hoes, boats and hoes I gotta have me my boats and hoes.”        

Written by Nolan Breslin

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