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Greek Rank is a Joke

It’s 2021. I shouldn’t have to write this. If you’re involved in Greek life in some capacity, you should know by now that Greekrank is just a place for girls that realized they’re ugly in middle school to seek revenge and guys in low-tier fraternities to write reviews about themselves. Sure, ten of you will be in my DMs saying that I’m a misogynistic asshole or telling me that I have a small dick or whatever, but somebody on this goddamn earth needs to tell the truth about something. Also, four and two-thirds six inches is enough. 

For those of you interested in rushing next fall, I’d advise you to stay off of Greekrank; but if you insist on using it, think about a few things critically: 

  1. Do you think any fraternity/sorority that’s even half-decent would spend time or energy monitoring an internet forum? 
  2. Do you think fraternities getting reviews along the lines of “biggest douchebags ever!!! Don’t know why girls like them so much, they are so ugly!!!” are actually bottom-tier…or do you think it’s more likely that some girl with too much time on her hands is butthurt? 
  3. Is it possible that a review could be based on one bad experience with a kid who doesn’t represent the whole chapter correctly?

Most of the time, the case is pretty cut and dry. Take PIKE at the University of Alabama, for instance. It’s common knowledge that PIKE at Bama is one of the best fraternities at one of the most prominent schools for greek life. There’s no debating that; it’s a fact. If you look at their reviews, some are CLEARLY from PIKE groupies, and some are CLEARLY from girls blacklisted. 

If you see things like their brotherhood sucks or they don’t seem close, ignore it. I think there’s a large misconception that members like every brother in their fraternity. If you spend X amount of time with a group of people for X amount of years, there’s going to some kids that you fucking hate. It’s like living in a big family. Are you more likely than not to like your family members? Absolutely. Is there maybe one or two people that are intolerable to the point where you have to blackout on Christmas? For sure.

If you care what Greekrank has to say about your house more than you care about what’s being said through word of mouth, you’re an insecure baby back bitch. If it gets back to you that freshmen on campus are hearing, I heard they’re creepy, or aren’t those the guys that make pledges kiss on the lips while the actives sing Dua Lipa…THEN you have some big fish to fry. Nothing about Greekrank makes sense, so don’t be a moron and give a shit about it. And if you actively use it, get a fucking hobby. A Hulu account is like ten bucks a month nowadays. 

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Written by Bobby D'Angelo

TFM middle school penis game champion. Rutgers student.

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