Green Flags In Girls

She Watches Always Sunny: 

Any girl could like The Office or Friends, but if she likes Always Sunny that says something. It means she’s not going to physically combust when your friend with an F-150 gets a little too drunk and has some choice words for Kamala Harris. It means that as progressive as she may be, she understands that life has a lot of suffering and that laughter is really the only way to push through it. If she can get down with Charlie Kelly, your friends will probably like her until your relationship starts Heading South (shoutout Zach Bryan). I’ve never met a girl who likes Always Sunny that celebrated someone getting canceled on Twitter like their team won the fucking SuperBowl. I’m not saying she’s one of the guys or that she’s Republican, or that she was there on an early January Day in 2021. I’m just saying she has a good sense of humor.

Girl Interrupted Syndrome:

People shit on “girl interrupted syndrome,” but I disagree. If you don’t think of yourself as special, why the fuck would anyone else? I like a girl that smokes a drunk cigarette during a twelve-day spiral, listens to a little bit of Lana Del Rey, and has an eccentric hobby like parasailing or pills. I’d rather that than someone who takes advice from a woman in the Real Housewives of East Uterus six years ago. There’s nothing wrong with someone romanticizing their life apart from maybe trying too hard on their social media feeds. Call me crazy, but I think it’s really hot when girls care about their gardens and refuse to use seed oils while simultaneously destroying their bodies with other things.

If She Was Somewhat Financial Independent After Age 18:

There’s nothing worse than when someone doesn’t know the value of a dollar. It doesn’t matter what pronoun is in that LinkedIn bio. If your parents gave you spending money past the age of nineteen, it will take you longer to grow up. I’m not talking about helping someone out with rent or even gas here and there; I’m talking about having a credit card with your Dad’s name on it that weighs the same as a laptop charger for unlimited retail therapy. Girls that learned to be financially independent know how much work goes into getting nice things, they don’t complain when you work late, and they have great work ethic themselves. When you pay for a girls drink you shouldn’t expect her to do anything for you, but you should expect her to understand that for each fourteen-dollar cocktail you buy her, there’s a late-night message from your boss telling you to fix a bunch of shit on a deck. 

She Has Mp Friends That Are Girls:

The world is about to hit eight billion people. Of the four billion women in the world, if you don’t consider at least one a friend, that’s weird. Obviously, the hot dog meme comes into play here, but I’ve met a lot of girls that don’t have friends that are girls, and as cool as it is in the beginning you learn that they are deeply disturbed after a while. One minute your thinking wow she’s so based because she says something along the lines of isn’t it crazy that the same girls that always talk about red flags in guys turn around and listen to podcasts about women being murdered and the next second she’s making you brownies with razorblades in them.

A Dog: 

Some people think that this is a turn-off; I disagree with that. In what way is displaying responsibility a turn-off? In what way does walking something three times a day, bathing it, feeding it, and paying for it gross you out? It’s not like having a kid. The dog might be cuter than you, but it’s not like it can make her laugh…although it probably could be better with its tongue than you, but that’s neither here nor there. 

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