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Gronk Fan Jinxed Himself

Last night before the big game, 21-year-old Noah Mazzilli casually sent out this tweet:

Thinking nothing of it, he carried on about his day. 

Unfortunately for Noah, right before the game started he was called into work for the night. Plastering away, Noah tried his best to catch a few glimpses of the game while working. 

Sober and working hard, Noah began to think less and less about the tweet he sent out prior to the game. Until, the last 40 seconds of the first quarter. Gronk did what the beer enthusiast said he would. 

Brady tossed a record breaking 8-yard touchdown pass to Gronk. A thing of beauty for most, but an unfortunate bet for one. 

If only poor Noah had placed this as a monetary bet, as opposed to his own self inflicting physical challenge. 

As soon as Mr. Mazzilli found out what had happened, he texted his friends in utter disbelief “I’m speechless.”

As a Patriots fan, who has been rooting for these two players his whole adolescence…he should have seen this one coming. You put Gronk and Brady on the field and magic is made. Poor Noah either set himself up to fail, or he was really thirsty for some shotgun suz. 

Regardless, Noah’s tweet rapidly grew viral. As of today, his tweet has grossed a whopping 16,400 favorites.

In his announcement, Noah called upon himself to drink 1 beer for every 5 likes he receives. 

Here’s the math:

So say, he can handle around 10 shotguns in one sitting. That means:

This man is forecasted to be shotgunning 10 beers a day for the next 328 days.

But here’s the catch, Noah Mazzilli HAS NOT graced the general public with even ONE SINGULAR SHOTGUN. We reached out to get a statement from the man himself but in return, got no reply. So Noah, if you’re a man of your word….we are ALL waiting.

Written by Grace O'Malley

If Carrie Bradshaw drank a little bit too much and was originally from Boston...


Leave a Reply
  1. More like he DRINK-xed himself! Haha I’m gonna put that on facebook!
    Ok but 2 college theme articles in a row? nice. what did you do with the real TFM?! Haha I’m gonna but THAT on Facebook.

  2. My boys been shotgunning 10 beers/day since freshman year and all he has now are bitch tits. Anyway you tryin to go on a date to a dunkie’s bathroom or what

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