Mailman Dave
People love to shit on chewing tobacco. Ewww that’s so disgusting you literally suck on leaves, and spit everywhere. You fill up bottles full of your own spit. You are cutting your lips just to get nicotine in your system. Fuck yes I am, and I love every single second of it. Do I know that when you break it down it’s gross, and bad for me? Of course I’m not an idiot, but you won’t see me quitting any time soon. There’s a big risk with chewing though it’s not the cancer, or gum disease that they tell you on the front of the can; it’s accidentally drinking a mouthful of dip spit.
When I was young, I was probably around 11, and my dad’s friend would have a chew in 24/7. He was a psycho and would spit in old Pepsi bottles. He would fill those things to the brim where one more drop would overfill it. He would buy those huge packs of mini bottles; it was always a roll of the dice every time you opened one. There was one time that I was over, and we were playing knee hockey. After we were done, I sat on the couch and grabbed what I thought was my Pepsi. Spoiler alert it wasn’t a Pepsi; it was a bottle filled with wintergreen spit. I was sweaty, my mouth was parched, and I took a huge sip. Being 11, as soon as that taste touched my mouth, I spat it everywhere. To this day, I don’t chew wintergreen, and maybe it’s because of what happened 15 years ago.
Fast-forwarding about 6 years to the summer of my senior year. It was the summer of parties, and about 4 of us would chew at every party. Community spitters were what everybody used. There was probably half of a red solo cup filled with spit. Somehow because of alcohol and peer pressure, we convinced a girl to drink the dip spit. Looking back, what an asshole I was, but god damn it in the moment was it funny. I have to give credit. This girl was a trooper; she didn’t take a little sip, nope, a big guzzle. She didn’t throw up or spit it everywhere. Spitters are quitters.
The inspiration for this blog came after I drank a mouthful of chew spit. Thankfully for me, it was a water bottle that was half-filled with water. I didn’t notice that I had accidentally spit into it a couple of minutes before I drank. A little chew spit mixed with water never hurt anybody; it just added a little extra flavor. If you chew, there is a 100% chance that you’ve accidentally drunk chew spit. If you don’t chew, have you accidentally drank chew spit?
