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Healing Crystals on TikTok

Shitty TikToker of the week: Jay Kaizen

Now I’m not here to disparage anyone’s ideas or beliefs because if it gets you through your day and keeps you from not killing people then I’m fine. But, I draw the line at bullshit pseudoscience that has been proven to be a hoax. I still cannot believe there are people out there who think that shiny rocks are the key to unlocking some secret vault in your body to get infinite happiness. These “healing crystals” as Jay describes them are able to “hold energy from one source and conducting that energy into your body” he says as he shoves a rock into his forehead. “If the crystal holds no energy, then you won’t experience its true power”. How? It’s a fucking rock. Just because it’s shiny doesn’t mean it’s important. 

You know he gets these kinds of comments a lot because basically, every other TikTok he makes is defending this fake science. His argument, in this case, is that humans can only perceive .0035% of the light around you so we can only see .0035% of what’s happening at all times in life… what the fuck? How is anyone buying this? This reminds me of that shitty Scarlett Johanson movie, Lucy, where they advertised that humans are only using 10% of our brainpower so she unlocks the other 90% of her brain and kills people or something. The point is, it’s not true. That 10% of brainpower is bullshit and only became popularized because we just don’t know that much about our brain. It was a premise that was said once and then caught the eye of some movie director to take your money. With that bullshit light percentage of .0035%, that’s another number thrown around on the internet so someone like Jay can make up a reason behind it and sell you rocks and take your money. 

I know I haven’t made any real concrete points about this but that’s because I don’t see any reason to go that deep. You are stupid if you think this works. you deserve whatever bad energy you think exists because you don’t have this magic crystal. It’s not magic… it’s a rock. The only reason why they are still around is that people think that they work because they are told that they work. It’s the placebo effect. They are fucking rocks take them off your face.

What do you think?

Written by Conall Lynch

Conall drinks vodka and chases it with a Granny Smith Apple. He likes to say “the mustache is just for content” but deep down wants to keep it.

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