God I hate snapchat, but this move has always humored me. It’s a very revealing notion about who we are as people and what we are willing to do for a little action.
Alright, here we go.
You just got back to your hometown after being away at college. You’re single. But you’re not just single, you’re horny as a trumpet. You can’t just jump on your snapchat and announce that you’re horny either, otherwise you’re going to attract a pretty interesting crowd and get some pretty incriminating responses to that story. But people can also see right through the “ah, I’m home at last” snap story.
So what do you do? How do you let everyone know you’re back without giving away any of your real intentions?
You take a picture of your dog and you post it on your snap story.
I mean come on, it’s hiding in plain sight. When you post a picture of your dog, you are not only publicly establishing that you are back in town, but you are also hoping to catch a few people to swipe up on your story to inform you that they are also back at home.
Now you’re probably thinking, “Alright hold up. Using your dog to see who’s back in town? That seems a little ambitious. And weird.”
Yes, it is. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Let me explain the logic behind it.
No one, besides you, gives a flying fuck about your dog. Everyone loves dogs, but that love starts and stops with seeing a dog in person that you can touch. The second you pull out your phone and brag about your dog, you’ve lost the room. The fact that you are banking on a sure-fire “awwww” from whoever you showed that picture to shows that you are running out of things to talk about. It’s a desperation move, commonly used on first dates, interactions at the office, and other uncomfortable settings.
That same ideology applies to posting a snapchat story of your dog. Nobody cares about the half blurry photo you took of your 12 year old labrador with a milky eye. I’m sure he’s one hell of a dog and he’s probably got an amazing name too, something like ‘Joe’ or ‘Gus’ to go along perfectly with his aging face. But man that dog is ugly. I mean, talk about the utter opposite of eye candy. But to you he’s precious. In fact, he’s more than precious. He’s perfect.
So you post the story anyway. But since you’ve been at college, you’ve done this type of post maybe 7 or 8 times by now. The people know you have a dog, but you continue to shove this content down their throats. Not because you’re trying to be annoying, but because it’s the easiest way to inform a massive pool of people where you are and that you aren’t doing much. You could use some action. It’s the most convenient bait to catch the easiest fish in the pond. Or should I say thirstiest fish in the pond.
How do I know all of this. Well, let’s just say that it takes one to know one. I’ve posted a couple of stories about my dog as well. It’s a veteran move and the science checks out. I’m not shaming this move by any means, I’m just saying that I know your real intentions.
Man’s best friend, am I right?
By the way, all of this logic applies to cat owners as well, so don’t think that you and your feline pal are out of the woods either.