Like Tony Soprano’s problematic right-hand-man Christopher Moltisanti once said, I love movies. The fact that we can put on a movie in the comfort of our home at any given point is one of the biggest reasons this generation is better to live in than the one our parents did. There are many reasons why movies are the best, and one of my personal ones is the fact that you will occasionally get hit with an unexpected scene that resembles soft core pornography. Here are a few of those best examples.
We’re the Millers– Jennifer Aniston Stripper Scene
This one was a gift for twelve-year-old boys everywhere when this movie was released. Jennifer Aniston became my first crush since the day I saw her with her high beams on in a Friends rerun. To this day she has a pretty strong grasp on my sexual fantasies. I don’t know how much they paid her to film this scene, but I appreciate the investment. The scene was great back then, and it still is.
Black Swan– Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman Sex Scene
This movie is an absolute trip if you haven’t seen it. It also happens to have a super passionate sex scene with Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman about halfway through its runtime. They get so into the scene you’d think they were having an affair in real life. My friend asked how I liked it after I watched and I believe my reaction was, “I’ve never been so confused and erect in my life.” It’s so hot. Pure art.
Wolf of Wall Street– THAT Margot Robbie Scene
Fun fact about that scene where Margot Robbie stands right in front of the camera wearing nothing but a pair of high heels: Martin Scorsese offered to film it in lingerie, but Robbie said it didn’t fit the scene, and insisted on doing it fully nude. Asking to stand naked in front of an eighty-year-old man for six hours while they filmed it is incredible dedication. I’m glad, because when I saw this movie way too young at a friend’s house in middle school, the whole group fell in love right there. I think one of my friends actually quit the baseball team the next day because he knew his focus was on women from that point on.
Don Jon- Hallway Make Out Scene
Scarlett Johansson is one of those actresses that I would instantly propose marriage to if we bumped into each other at the grocery store. Unfortunately for me, I bet she has someone pick up her groceries for her. So all I have is this scene from Don Jon. The movie is about a serial masturbator who begins a relationship with Scarlett Johansson. It’s a movie for people like me to watch what their fantasies would look like in the real world. The best part is surely the hall way scene was ScarJo is looking all hot and grinding up on the dude outside his apartment. Truly awesome visual artistry.
Call Me By Your Name- Chalamet Pleasures Himself With a Peach
I’m not into Chalamet like that (although he is a fine actor). I do, however, like to get weird with myself between the hours of eleven pm and two am. What can I say? He made it look enticing.