I think we’ve all pretty much reached the point in the semester where the drive to actually sit down and do work is almost completely gone. I had an eight-page paper due last night that I started at four o’clock, I had three essays due last week, and I have another midterm due tomorrow, and I’m sure all of you are in a pretty similar situation. It fucking blows, but here are a few ways I manage to sack up and get the bare minimum done.
Eat and jerk off
As funny as it is that I’m giving this as a piece of advice, I genuinely feel like it’s a great recommendation. There’s simply no way to be productive if you’re hungry, so how do we solve that? McDonald’s, chips, pizza rolls, soda – just think of everything that you really shouldn’t be eating, make a quick trip out for snacks, and it will be significantly easier to get work done. You also can’t be productive while you’re horny, so if you can have sex, do it. But if you’re like me who can’t just get a quick bone sesh in at four in the afternoon on a Tuesday, you’ve gotta take matters into your own hand.
Drink in excess on the weekend
I can honestly say that one of the only things that keeps me getting up in the morning to go to classes and do work is the thought of being out-of-hand drunk Thursday nights, Friday nights, and all-day Saturday. As much as that sounds like borderline alcohol addiction, I can assure you it’s really just the healthiest way college students relieve the stress that puts us all into depression throughout the week. Obviously I’m not recommending you send yourself to the hospital, but some of my best memories from college are nights I can barely remember.
I can’t personally attest to the success of this strategy, but I feel like a great way to avoid the stress of school would be to just stop going. It may also bring on a shit ton of other stressful situations, but I can guarantee you won’t be worried about your Accounting exam on Wednesday.