As a film major who spends his time writing blogs about drinking, drug use, and sports, there is really no need for me to get an advanced education. The fact that I’m now a senior in college is honestly ridiculous. I genuinely thought I would have dropped out by this point. Yet here I am, in a small college town, taking classes about storytelling, while paying thousands of dollars once again just to not do my homework. So what keeps me coming back? Well, it sure isn’t my thirst for knowledge. I guess you could say there are a couple things bringing me back year after year. It’s partially because I refuse to leave all of my friends behind and also a little bit of fear of entering the real world once and for all, but if I’m being completely honest, the biggest thing that keeps pulling me back in is undoubtedly college football season.
I think it’s a known fact that football is the best part of college. Sure, parties and hazing are high up on the list, but nothing compares to blacking out at 10am. If we’re being real, the game isn’t even the best part of Saturday. That’s why no matter how shitty of a football program your school may have, everyone loves gameday. Since it’s such a big part of my life as well as everyone else who has ever attended a four year university, I decided to give some helpful advice on the ideal gameday experience. Here’s how to have the perfect gameday.
Wake Up Early
This tip kind of only applies to 12pm games. That said, if the game starts at noon, you should be up no later than 6am. You need to start drinking early. Like as soon as you wake up early. So, in an effort to get the most alcohol in your system as possible before kickoff, you should be up well before the sun rises. You are definitely going to be tired so make sure you blast the NFL theme song remix to get yourself energized. Next, you are going to want to begin drinking immediately. Due to sleep deprivation, I suggest you make yourself an Irish coffee. Personally I like to use Peppermint Schnapps in my morning gameday coffee since it sits at a whooping 27% ABV, but Bailey’s (17% ABV) also works if you’re a lightweight looking for more flavor than alcohol. Once you’ve gotten a nice buzz going, it’s time to wake up anybody still sleeping. That means pound on some doors, scream as loud as possible, maybe even break some shit. Just get fucking amped.
Blackout Before The Game Starts
This tip is a bit of a follow-up to part one. The point of waking up early is to get started drinking. That is because any successful gameday involves a blackout. The goal is to be shitfaced by 9am, blacked out by 10am, and ready for the game by 12pm. I know that’s a tricky maneuver, but with a little planning and practice it’s well within reach. You see, everything has a counterpart. Just like Newton said in his laws, everything has an opposite reaction. If you eat, you poop. If you womp, you vibrate. If you black out, you black in. What’s a black in, you ask? Well, just like how a black out pushes you into a foggy wormhole filled with piss stains and regret, a black in pulls you right back out. Assuming your blackness lasts at least an hour, you are going to want to get it started sooner rather than later to ensure you will be fully functioning during the game. In a perfect world, you would black in as you enter the stadium, but really you are aiming to regain consciousness any time after the tailgate but before kickoff. That gives you about a 45 minute window. If a Kenyan can run 10 miles in 45 minutes, you better be able to stumble into a stadium.
It’s always important to eat before/when you are drinking, no matter how early in the morning it is. You need to make sure you have a full stomach in order to successfully black in. If you black on an empty stomach, there may be no chance at recovery. Make sure you get your daily nutrients. I suggest starting your morning with a BEC. It has carbs to soak up the alcohol, as well as protein and calcium to help you bulk up. If you want a fun option, pour yourself a bowl of Cheerios, but instead of milk use RumChata (13.75% ABV). It will give you energy, a buzz, and lower your cholesterol.
Many college stadiums don’t sell booze. Personally, I think that’s a poor business decision, but whatever that’s their loss. However, if you want to keep your drunk going at the game, there is an easy solution: sneak alc yourself. It’s not very hard. Some stadiums won’t let you bring in a water bottle so a Dasani vodka isn’t an option. You are better off sticking shooters in your pockets, hat, shoes, or anus. Not only are they portioned out shots that often taste better than straight up vodka pulls, they are also easily concealable. Sometimes you want your drunkness to end so you can remain standing and not need to lie down on the bleachers during halftime. If that’s the case, sneak in a pre-roll or pen to get the entire section lit. Just beware, you will be sharing and most likely get either Covid or mono. Obviously, rather get Covid. Shit is a scam.
Know When To Leave
I am a big proponent of going to the game. I know at some schools gameday is purely about the party, but I believe if you are so privileged to get discount student tickets, you better use them. That said, just because you go to the game doesn’t mean you need to stay until the end. If you’re feeling wobbly, go home. No one at the game wants to take care of you. Don’t be the guy that yacks in the stands. Be the guy that’s so fucked up he’s the life of the section. Start chants, hurl insults, make a fool of yourself, but when the time comes where you gotta press the breaks and lie down you gotta do it. Don’t try to persevere just because your friends are staying. I once exited a game before kickoff. There’s no shame in leaving early, there’s way more shame in blowing chunks. At the same time, don’t leave too early if it’s a good game. If you’re tired and want to lie down, I get it. But if it’s tie game against your rival and you don’t think you are harm to yourself or others around you, fucking stay. If you miss a wild finish, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Don’t be like 2012 Game 6 Heat fans. Know when a game is over and when to hold out.
Now that I’m a washed up senior, I’ve realized that you don’t get as many home games as you think. They go fast. Football season comes and goes in the blink of an eye. You only get four of them, so savor them. Make each and every gameday count. Be belligerent. Have no regrets. Disrupt society. Create memories. That is what gameday is all about. Unless you go to one of like three or four schools in the nation, odds are you have no chance at winning the CFP. So, while cheering for your team and going to the game is important, it’s not why you should love gameday. Go out there and fuck shit up. Being reckless is the same as showing support for your team. Get rowdy, give the tailgate everything you got, and leave it all out there. Don’t pass out too early and miss the festivities. Don’t go home with your girlfriend before kickoff. And definitely don’t stop drinking just because you threw up. Roll with the punches, keep your head up, and march on. It’s fucking gameday. You won’t ever get one back.