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I Found Out What A Unicorn Is From Rudy Giuliani’s Daughter

Love or hate him. Rudy has been one of the most popular political figures this year. Not because he helped change the world, but because everything he did became a meme. First, it was his cringe-filled scene in the new Borat.

Then he had hair dye pouring off his head like he was the sweaty kid in gym class. Whatever handkerchief he was using wasn’t cutting it. He needed a beach towel.

Then hours before people stormed the capital, Rudy was going on to bring back trial by combat. Does this motherfucker know that he is old and round and that he would last about 7 seconds in a trial by combat?

Once again, Rudy is in the news, and it’s not because of anything that he did, but because of what his daughter did.

Alright so she likes to get down with her freaky side. It’s 2021 if people wanna be freaks in the sheets I won’t judge, but I had no idea what a unicorn was and let’s just have the Daily Mail take this away. Hizzoner’s daughter Caroline Rose Giuliani openly discusses her sexual escapades with other couples. The piece, which opens with the words, “I want to watch my boyfriend bend you over,”    Caroline — the 32-year-old daughter of Rudy Giuliani with Donna Hanover — writes, “I had known some time I was at least bisexual but had barely explored that side of my sexuality. I knew I wanted to experience new dynamics.” After signing up for a dating site for “Unicorns” — women who agree to have sex with couples — Caroline writes, “One woman I chatted with mentioned she was looking for someone to dominate her but be submissive to her boyfriend. “I am typically more sexually submissive, but as we were texting (which quickly turned into sexting), I tried on this authoritative sexual persona. “I was pleased to discover that, having been submissive myself, finding the language to turn Isabella on came naturally to me.” After meeting the couple in a bar she describes in detailed literature, “We went back to their place. At one point Oliver and I had sex while Isabella watched – actively. She was a ‘cuckqueen’ which is a woman who enjoys role-playing ‘humiliation’ this way.  “Many aspects of the encounter were pleasurable and fun, but the most engrossing sensation was feeling Oliver’s palpable love for Isabella…..his desire to fulfill her was the deeper motivation for filling me.” Caroline concludes that after the experience she identifies as “pansexual”, and admitting she has battled anxiety and depression her entire life, she writes, “The incredible moments of connection and transformation I’ve shared with these couples reminds me that my expansive mind is a gift.”

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First of all, I had no idea that there was a website called Unicorns, and I knew that some dudes enjoy being cucked, but I had no idea there were cuckqueens. If watching your significant other get pounded out brings you pleasure well hey whatever floats your boat. I had to break out the old Urban Dictionary to fully figure out what a Unicorn was.

“his desire to fulfill her was the deeper motivation for filling me.” I mean, no, it was not. I couldn’t imagine telling my wife I know what will make you feel more loved. Let me dump a load in another woman that will fully show my love to you.

Could you imagine being a fly on that wall for Thanksgiving? Hey dad, how’s it going? Oh, you know I was caught fondling myself in the new Borat movie. What’s going on with you? Oh, you know I got bent over by some husband as his wife watched in the corner. His love for her and wanting her to be happy really made me love his dick even more. Um okay, can you pass me the gravy?

What do you think?

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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