I Hate Food Tik Toks

Cropped shot of young woman demonstrating Italian pasta cooking while filming through video camera for vlogging at home.

If you’ve ever opened Tik Tok, you’ve likely stumbled across some guy slapping together some horrific combination of ingredients which he proceeds to deep fry. As you watch this nauseating video, you notice that it has an absolutely absurd amount of likes. How? That’s a great question for the Rothschilds or whoever pays off these content spamming leeches to make the most boring, clickbait videos you’ll ever witness.

“You have made it to steak Tik Tok,” “Today I made,” “We went to.” How about I don’t fucking care? Self proclaimed “foodie” Tik Tokers have single handedly ruined any form of cuisine or food for me. Wow, is that “A5 wagyu?” Again??? Oh COOL, you’re going to dry age it after lathering it in some nonsense marinade? Then you’re going to cook it like they do at Peter Luger Steak House? That’s so creative, man! Just some phenomenal content you’re putting out there.

How about the people who go to those overpriced, 2-weeks-in-advanced-reservation Italian restaurants so they can review… cacio e pepe? The pasta with cheese and black pepper is better at the Carbone in Miami than it is at the New York location? Really? How fucking fascinating. Absolutely groundbreaking reporting there. The simple dish that I can make on my electric stove in my 1200 square foot apartment was worth the $75? Really cool that you’re so in touch with your Sicilian heritage (you are from Montclair, New Jersey, graduated from Ole Miss, and I can see your roots). You don’t speak a lick of Italian but you still say “gabagool” and “mozzarel” like you’re a broken record that regurgitates lines from the Sopranos.

Please stop watching food Tik Toks. Together, if we boycott the algorithm, we can reduce any possible risk of having more Salt Bae-esque content being pushed out onto the internet. Let’s stop feeding the tumor that is food Tik Tok.

Written by Matty Ice

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