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I Wrote This As Fast As I Could

This is a blog that I wrote without taking more than a 5-second pause after each sentence. This is going to be difficult because I do not have a subject for the blog besides the fact that I am writing it quickly. I will be going back after I find an ending just to grammatically fix things up, but other than that this will be a very stream of a conscious process. I am not doing this out of laziness, it is more about trying one of the blog ideas I came up with at 2 in the morning. The hardest part about blogs is what I call the “finding the funny”. Any news or sports blogger can break a story about some shit that is happening and it will be a good blog, but with satire, it is very subjective as to what is good. Sports and news just report the facts. Or “facts” depending on what news you are getting, and that is its own challenge. Getting something wrong on a blog for Fox or CNN can mean your career is over. 

Every satire blog about a current event has to be inherently funny which I struggle with a lot when writing on current events. I got funny takes on airplane food and those tiny smart cars down. but, If Kim Kardashian is trending again for another stupid thing she said, It’s not enough to just point out that it’s stupid in my opinion. That seems like a cop-out way to write a blog to me. I have most definitely done that before, but that is the struggle I mentioned before of “finding the funny”. It’s not enough to just say “haha yea Kim Kardashian said something stupid… fuck her” for a whole blog. The thing I think about a lot when blogging a story like that is “what is the benefit of me writing this?” Again, not in a lazy way, more an insecure way. “What am I bringing to the table with this blog?”. The story could be trending on Twitter with thousands of people saying “fuck this person” and now I have to say the same thing… but better. That keeps me staring at a half-finished intro paragraph for longer than I’d like to admit for a lot of my blogs. It’s not that writing blogs is hard. I love writing blogs. Writing blogs you want your name attached to is hard. Writing a personal story blog or a stupid take blog is fun as shit. Anyone with a computer can write the “haha fuck this person because of what they did” blog. What is hard is making your “fuck this person” stand out. I know for a fact that I have shitty blogs that go against everything I’ve said, but that’s the point. 

Wouldn’t I sound pretentious if I didn’t have blogs like that? Wouldn’t I look like a dick sitting on my high horse of internet blogging by saying every one of my blogs is perfect? Yes. I have written blogs about cross country pedophiles, down syndrome wrestling, and how much I hate dogs just for existing. All were satire and all were bad. I have made my fair share of shit to know what shit is. Even some of my best blogs I am not that proud of. When I wrote a blog about the Capitol attack, I was told it was great. When in reality, all I did was say “fuck those people” no differently than anyone else was. Sometimes a simple “fuck you” blog works and it is complemented, and sometimes a “fuck you” blog is met with a mediocre response. Either way, it is fun to see what works and what doesn’t. That Capitol blog I wrote took me 3-4 hours because like I said when all I can come up with is “fuck you” I don’t feel accomplished or good enough about the post so I try to find the funny. Obviously, by “find the funny” for the Capitol situation I do not mean that it was something to be laughed at… I just mean my interpretation as a satirical blogger needs to have more to say rather than a simple “fuck you” to those shitheads who did that. Okay, I am getting into cancellable territory with this. I might as well call it and go address the 30 red underlines from Grammarly.

What do you think?

Written by Conall Lynch

Conall drinks vodka and chases it with a Granny Smith Apple. He likes to say “the mustache is just for content” but deep down wants to keep it.

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