I’m Confident That 99% Of Americans Could Beat Up Every Man In France

Normally I talk about fans fighting in the stands. Somebody normally gets knocked out or leaves bloody. Not in this fight; if you avoided a stick, you left this fight unscathed. When it came to hand-to-hand combat, there wasn’t one fist connected. We had random kicks flying that didn’t land. I don’t know why the French is rioting, but I know that’s nothing new. If you paid a little attention to history class, you’d know that the French love to riot, back to the fighting. At first, I thought this was some hardcore dancing where the kid dressed in all black had 1,000 piercings and told you that their parents had caused them years of trauma would dance like they were having a seizure.

After I broke down all of the fights, I’m certain that 99% of Americans could kick the shit out of everybody in France. I looked up French UFC fighters, and most of them come from Montreal, which doesn’t count since they are hardened dealing with blizzards and freezing cold weather. Fighters like Charles Jourdain, Marc-Andre Barriault, and George St-Pierre had to deal with eating pounds of poutine, and the Red Light district where you can watch strippers go down on each other. I know that technically Francis Ngannou is from France, but he’s originally from Cameroon, so he wouldn’t fight for France in an Olympic fighting event where America would rule.

Americans are used to fighting from a young age where the French will eat a lot of cheese and baguettes instead of throwing hands. I’m 100% back as a dumb football fan, and I’m ready to fight anybody who talks shit about the Eagles. Talking shit about the Eagles all preseason made the reverse jinx work perfectly. I know it’s only week one, and it was the Falcons, but I’m all in on the Eagles. I don’t know if the French are passionate enough about fighting random strangers because they don’t like your team. It’s not like England who is willing to fight everybody over a soccer game.

So, in conclusion, I’m willing to gamble a lot on any American vs. the French in a brawl.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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