I’m Ready To Sell A Limb Or Start An OnlyFans So I Can Watch A Knicks Playoff Game

I’ve already written about the Knicks roster being compared to porn stars, and with all of those clicks, I thought maybe I could swindle watching a Knicks playoff game. Well, JESUS CHRIST is it expensive.

The cheapest seats are $919. I know it’s Madison Square Garden, but that’s still insane. I know James Dolan will be rolling in cash, but for one game, he couldn’t give us a break? The Knicks are one of the biggest franchises, but compared to other big city playoff teams, this is still insane. Philidelphia’s cheapest tickets are $111, Brooklyn’s cheapest tickets are $217, the Clippers cheapest tickets are $81, and Phoenix’s cheapest tickets are $180. Maybe the best bet is to fly to Atlanta and see the Knicks whoop the Hawk’s ass. To fly to Atlanta it’s around $400, and the cheapest tickets are $147. I mean, that’s about half the price of going to New York.

I mean, there are other options. Humans have two kidneys. I don’t think I need both of them. I can totally sell one of them. I know that you can give part of your liver away, so maybe I can sell part of it. Two lungs I’ll just eat edibles instead, and now I only need one lung.

There’s also the possibility of starting an OnlyFans. One of the Paul brothers ex-wife, or whatever, has an OnlyFans, and she made enough money to buy a price jet. Maybe I can afford front row seats to a Knicks game. I mean, who wouldn’t want to pay for a fat dude with man titties?

Anyway, I’ll be accepting Venmo’s for me to go to a Knicks game. Or I need to find a way to get TFM to pay it. I mean, they paid for chicks to go to Florida; that’s the same right?

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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