In Case You Missed It, Jacob deGrom Put On Another Clinic Today

I know it’s early in the season, and most casual fans don’t care about baseball until they’re getting hammered in the middle of the day in the bleachers on a hot summer day. If you want to sound smart to your buddies who love baseball, toss out deGrom’s name and watch their dicks get hard. The numbers he is putting up are ridiculous, and tonight he somehow managed to lower his ERA to a ridiculous 0.31.

Oh yeah, not to mention this man also has 2 RBI’s, which is double the amount of runs he has given up. Not too shabby. These are little league numbers. If you played little league or even fucking tee-ball, there’s one player who was the clear best. They would pitch every other game, bat clean up, and then get screamed at by their father, who is living his glory days through his 12-year-old.

I could go on and on about his insane numbers and jerk off to his amazing stats. Who the fuck cares? Just know he’s the best pitcher in the entire league and probably the best player. Too bad he’s on the Mets, and nobody gives a flying fuck about them.

P.S. can deGrom go back in time when he had the Rapunzel hair, imagining thinking this guy would become one of the best pitchers in the league? His hair was thicker than the natural girl’s bush. You somehow managed to get more lost than usual trying to find the clit.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

To comment, fill out your name and email below.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Cinema Cures: I Love You Man

Slang Saturday Volume V