In Honor Of Mother’s Day, Here Are Movie MILF’s

With it being Mother’s Day it’s a day to love your mother, and also say thanks to all of the MILF’s in the world. For some these MILF’s were one of your first boners as you sat awkwardly with your parents, as you shifted on your couch hoping that nobody would notice. I’ve decided to dig deep into movie history and find some of the hottest moms that everybody wanted to fuck.

Jennifer Coolidge as Stifler’s Mom In American Pie

I had to start with the OG MILF. For people near my age, seeing Stifler’s mom was eye-opening. First of all, she put it all out there; every dress showed off her cleavage and every curve. She wasn’t afraid to show her sexuality and tell people what she wanted, even if that meant wanting one of her son’s friends. Her best quote from American Pie:

Stifler’s Mom : I got some scotch.

Finch : Single malt? 

Stifler’s Mom : Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.

Every teenage kid hoped that they would be sitting with a MILF that would say that same line to them one day. It’s too bad that what happens in movies doesn’t happen in real life.

Jane Seymour as Kathleen Cleary in Wedding Crashers

You motorboating son an of a bitch. Kitty Cat is the opposite of Stifler’s mom; she has high-class sexuality to her. She’ll bring you to a fancy dinner after a day at the horse track and then jerk you off while the 4 horse is coming around the last corner. There’s nothing that says that high-class girls can’t be smoke shows and dirty girls. There are no rules to being fancy as soon as the bedroom doors are closed.

Jennifer Lopez as Claire Peterson in The Boy Next Door

I’m not breaking any news that JLO is an absolute smoke show. It was only one year ago when she and Shakira had the best halftime show.

This is the first MILF that isn’t from an all-time comedy. The Boy Next Door is about a teenage boy from next door having an affair with Jennifer Lopez. The movie is filled with steamy shots of JLO and her boy toy. The movie could’ve been just that, and I know horny dudes would be lined up across the street to watch. After the affair, shit goes sideways as JLO’s boy toy has serious clingy and has obsessive issues with Jennifer Lopez. It’s a shitty movie, but JLO is smoking in it, so worth watching.

Heather Graham as Jade in Hangover

Remember how Kitty Cat was the classy, sexy MILF well Jade is the opposite of that. Everybody knows at least one girl who has fucked half of the town, is dirt poor, has at least one kid, and is a borderline dirtbag. She’s so hot that you think twice about throwing all of your responsibilities out of the window to be with her. Sure did Jade leave her baby with a tiger? Yeah, but she’s so hot that you’re not getting with her because of her mother’s abilities; it’s because she’s very hot.

Vivica A. Fox as Jasmine Dubrow in Independence Day

Mother by day stripper at night, sign me up. Jasmine is super hot, and she’s a stripper to support her family. Hey, get that money. If Independence Day were made today, Jasmine wouldn’t be a stripper. Instead, she would have an Only Fans account and be rolling in the dough. She’s smoking hot and hotter than 80% of girls on Only Fans.

Sharon Stone as Ginger McKenna in Casino

Ginger literally destroyed the Mob’s control in Vegas. If you’ve never seen Casino, you’re missing out on a classic. Ginger is Robert De Niro’s wife who has a pimp, still fucks the pimp after being married, fucks her husband’s best friend, who just happens to be a hot-headed mobster, and then fucks everything up. Is she a good human? Nope, but she is smoking hot and 100% a MILF.

These are the greatest MILF’s in movie history. Who do you think I missed, and who do you think should be added to the MILF half of fame?

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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