Incredibly Stupid “Woke” Alternatives to Words

Today, while scrolling through Instagram, I came across a video in which a woman who was missing her left arm was playing in a professional soccer game. How nice is that? My happiness for the one-armed woman was diminished quite quickly, though, when I had to read the caption that referred to her as someone with a “limb difference.” Is this really the point we’ve come to? We can’t just point out the fact that from the elbow down there’s nothing there for this lady? We really have to call it a “limb difference?” Anyway, this lead me to research a few other “Woke” alternatives to words and terms that don’t need to be changed, and honestly, it’s like they’re trying to be funny.

Residentially Flexible = Homeless

Ah, yes, because the number one problem people who don’t have houses are experiencing is that they feel really discriminated against when people use the word “homeless.” That makes tons of sense. I’m sure the fact that they’re living on city sidewalks and sleeping on park benches takes a close second place, but being called “homeless?” That’s something they care about deeply.

Deaf = Hearing Impaired

This one doesn’t even make much sense. A lot of people are hearing impaired, but they can still hear things. Deaf, at least to me, always signified that someone couldn’t hear anything at all. And why are we worried about the offensiveness of a word to deaf people? They’re never going to hear it anyway.

Blind = Visually Impaired

It’s basically the same argument as I have for the word “deaf.” Never in a million years would the “visually impaired” have seen this change coming. Get it?

Clumsy = Uniquely Coordinated

The only way I can describe this change in language is a word that I’m not allowed to say. Take your pick as to which one I’m thinking of.

Short = Vertically Challenged

Yes, that’s right. They’re vertically challenged kings. If you’re still using “short king” then you’re just being plain mean. Ask any one of your friends under the height of 5’7″ and I guarantee they’ll tell you that “vertically challenged” makes them feel wayyyy better about themselves.

Lame = Crappy

The funny thing to me about this one is that when everyone started saying that “gay” was no longer okay to use as an insult, we were told to say “lame” instead. And now we can’t even do that. Why? Because in Jesus’s time it meant someone who couldn’t walk? It’s not like I’m saying, “I don’t want to go see that movie, it seems super crippled,” – “cripple” by the way, is another one you can’t say. No one has referred to anyone with any kind of “limb difference” as “lame” this century, so why does it even matter?

The Elderly = Senior Citizens

I don’t know why this one matters or how it’s offensive at all, but okay, let’s say that it is. My question is this: why are we trying to make “senior citizens” less offended. Have you ever talked to one? First of all, most of them don’t know the definition of “political correctness” and even if they do, every other word out of their mouths is the exact opposite of politically correct. Why do we care about making someone who’s probably racist (nothing crazy, just like a smidge of racism) feel better about how old they are?

Prison Cell = Custody Suite

Oh, and perhaps the best for last! God forbid the guy that raped and murdered seventeen little girls feels some sort of sadness over the room that he’ll be spending the rest of his life in being called a prison cell. We wouldn’t want him to be uncomfortable in any way, right?

There’s a bunch more of these, and I understand the need for some of them. But my big issue with all these changes is this: the same people that are telling me that I can no longer use these words and descriptions are the one’s that are telling me I need to accept that the English language is changing. Guess what: it’s time to pick one or the other. Either we agree that certain meanings and ways we use language has changed over time and realize that there are some words that need to change and some words that, while they may have been derogatory once, are no longer derogatory, or we keep the language the same, and add new stuff where necessary. Or we keep doing what we’re doing: change whatever we feel like and confuse people with rationally functioning brains, then get mad at them when it gets really hard to keep up with all this “woke” nonsense. Yeah, that third option sounds fun.