Since time immemorial sharks have filled the seas of this great planet and fraternities have been a part of this country’s higher education.
Though the respective presences of sharks and frats have remained constant, how they look and act change with the times. Context is everything. It is with this in mind we are back again to ask…
IS! IT! FRAT!?
On today’s installment we are looking at pornography. Well, we aren’t looking AT pornography but we are looking at the topic of pornography and asking how frat it actually is? The answer might surprise you! Or it might not. I don’t know your initial thoughts on the subject. Anyway, let’s get to it. Porn… is if frat?
So you’re alone (not with the boys), dick in YOUR hand (NOT a girl’s hand, mouth, sex cave, booty, gold fish bowl… anything!), got the Hub pulled up, that drum beat plays…
“What are you doing STEP bro?”
It’s a scene that plays on thousands of screens in thousands of rooms across the world every night.
I told some people online that I quit porn back in September and many of them took it as a personal attack. I might as well have spat on their mother or burned the flag in front of them. “Enjoy the prostate cancer!” was a common response. A quick search found that: actual scientific results are generally inconclusive.
Ejaculation has not been shown to PREVENT the worst types of prostate cancer. The results we do have pertain only to older people having sex. It’s not just “a jerkin’ a day keeps the cancer away.” It may only be old people sex that has any effect on cancer. The results found in the study may be correlation and not causation; these older people who were having sex might have also shared other healthy habits. And at the same time, both sadly and comically ironic: for younger people who masturbated frequently (the same ones who told me to enjoy my cancer), there was a higher rate of prostate cancer.
Beyond that there is mounting mental health research that shows porn just ain’t good for you to put it mildly. And don’t the last couple generations already have enough mental health baggage as is?
“You can learn how to fuck good if you don’t know how.” Ok. Then again, there is a lot of wacky porn stuff that any girl has about a 50/50 chance of enjoying or being turned off by. And if you don’t know the difference you don’t need to be educating yourself with porn.
So, I’m really reaching to find anything frat about pornography, unless you’re making it! Want sex tips? Read an article or ask your partner. Don’t risk the issues associated with it. If you’re gonna beat your meat, jerk the gerk, or choke the goke (I think I made that one up), just don’t use so much porn.
So now we come to the moment of truth, and say it with me!
HOW! FRAT! IS IT?!
The Fratometer says!!!!!!!
But on a scale of good to bad, it’s pretty bad. But so are some of the drugs you guys are doing… and those might be FAF (you’ll have to wait to see).
If you really got nothing better to do maybe do some pushups or learn an instrument besides the skin flute; read a book about starting a business, or finance. We established LAST TIME that (reading) would be frat. Heck, see if the boys are live on Twitch. If you haven’t, go give it a Twitch.tv/TotalFratMove a follow.
And make sure to catch the next installment of…
IS! IT! FRAT!?