It’s No Surprise That Coach K Wants A Farewell Tour

DURHAM, NC - FEBRUARY 15: Head coach Mike Krzyzewski of the Duke Blue Devils reacts to a call during the game against the Maryland Terrapins at Cameron Indoor Stadium on February 15, 2014 in Durham, North Carolina. (Photo by G Fiume/Maryland Terrapins/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mike Krzyzewski

Coach K is the girl whose Instagram story is 100 tiny little dots, he’s the play guitar at a party guy, he’s the make a huge scene at the party type of girl, and he’s the biggest diva in all of the sports. I have no allegiance to any school, I didn’t grow up near a college that was huge in basketball, and the college that I attended for one semester didn’t have any real sports. I don’t bleed powder blue for the Tar Heels, and I’m not a Duke hater; I just report on facts. And it’s not breaking news that everything has to be about Coach K. He’s the biggest attention whore in the entire NCAA. So many young people are going to learn valuable lessons from the genius that is Coach K.

What coach will fake a horrible back injury or roll around on the ground like they got shot by .50 Caliber sniper? Coach K planned this faint as well as your dumbass planned sneaking out of your parent’s house. You can’t fall too hard; don’t want to actually injury yourself, brace yourself with not only your hands but your knees, and go face down so nobody can tell that you’re still awake.

A new college coach needs to be part of Team USA so they can give the best recruiting pitch, which is FaceTiming LeBron or telling them how he once coached Kobe. Did you know that Coach K was part of Team USA? I didn’t know if he reminded you enough.

This retirement parade is going to be nauseating. Every school is going to throw some party or give him some gift. Why would you do this? This man has probably kicked the living shit out of your school for decades, and you’re giving him gifts and a party. You should be roasting his old ass for all of the misery he has brought your school. This is why I’m calling on the student section to perform the greatest chants that colleges have ever heard. The craziness of college basketball will be back this year with fans and students, and I want Duke to hear it every time they play.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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