Jack Daniel’s Distillery Covers Entire Town in Mold

EGING AM SEE, BAVARIA, GERMANY - 2022/05/05: Jack Daniels bourbon whisky seen at Rewe supermarket. (Photo by Igor Golovniov/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images)

In Lincoln County, Tennessee, a black fungus has started to cover almost every outdoor surface. Residents are referring to this as ‘Whiskey Fungus’, and believe it or not, the fungus is being fueled by Jack Daniel’s barrel houses that are located throughout the county. Who would have thought whiskey could have any negative side effects? This kind of fungus is actually very common in distilleries and bakeries, but I’ve been looking at some pictures online, and this fungus looks anything but common. From street signs to tree branches, this whole county looks like a frat basement. There have even been dead animals spotted with fungus growing on them. It still hasn’t been determined if the fungus is what caused the animal to die, but we can draw our own conclusions. People’s houses are getting darker and darker by the day. I couldn’t imagine going outside one day and it looks like a swamp monster threw up all over my house. 

Residents are starting to freak out all over the county, and frankly, I can’t blame them. While the problem was first talked about in 2018, residents are saying that the fungus has grown exponentially since Jack Daniels opened an additional four barrel houses in the area. One resident reported that he has spent over $10,000 to have his house continually power washed. My question is, in a town where everyone’s house looks like shit, why are you paying that much to have yours cleaned?

This problem really puts us between a rock and a hard place: should we let Jack Daniels brew some of the finest liquid courage this planet has ever seen at the expense of ruining a whole county? Honestly, I don’t think this is a question we’ll ever be able to answer. All jokes aside, can we just decrease the number of distilleries in that specific location? I know hindsight is 20/20, but I would think that Jack Daniels would know what they’re doing when building barrel houses. 

Written by Brady White

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