Jesus Christ, Let The Queen Drink

It would be safe to assume that Queen Elizabeth, age 95 and a woman who literally wears a crown and rules over an entire commonwealth of 54 countries, would be able to do what she damn well pleases, but it appears that royal medical experts are advising her to give up her daily cocktail. Elizabeth has been seen with a cane recently, which raised concerns about her health. So, while everyone probably wants what’s best for the monarch, sources close to her say that she’s not happy about giving up “one of very few pleasures” she has left.

Though she’s not a heavy drinker, a source shared that Elizabeth likes to have a Champagne nightcap before bed and that she usually has a martini a day. 

“The Queen has been told to give up her evening drink which is usually a martini,” a family friend told Vanity Fair. “It’s not really a big deal for her, she is not a big drinker. But it seems a trifle unfair that at this stage in her life she’s having to give up one of very few pleasures.”


Imagine being one of the only monarchs left on this earth, being 95 years old, and ruling over 54 countries, and somebody has the balls to tell you that you can no longer drink? I don’t care if Jesus comes down from the heavens and tells Queen Elizabeth that she should stop drinking. She shouldn’t listen to them. At 95 years old, you’re probably going to bed every night, hoping not to wake up. Everybody you have ever known is dead, including your dogs and your husband. You have one pleasure left, and that is sipping on a martini in the afternoon. That would be like having somebody tell you that you can no longer get blackout every weekend while in college.

If the Queen wanted to drop shrooms and do lines of coke at 95, who the fuck cares? Once again, she’s 95 years old. If you always wanted to try things that might kill you, what better time to do it than when you’re knocking on death’s door.

I find it hilarious that her walking with a cane is making people concerned about her health. She probably has a cane because she’s sick of fucking walking. She’s been walking for at least 92 years; if there were Fitbit’s around for her entire life, she would have piled up millions of steps. She’s the Queen. She should have somebody carrying her around 24/7.

Anyway, keep drinking Queen, and if you want to start throwing ragers at the castle, 95 years old would be the perfect time to start.

Written by Mailman Dave

Just a regular mailman who wants to sit around and write about sports​

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