Jimmy G Receives Greatest Offer in NFL History

Jimmy G is going to need a lot of protection in Las Vegas — and I’m not talking about an offensive line.

The 31-year-old quarterback recently signed a contract with the Raiders for $72 million over three years, but that isn’t even close to the best deal he has been offered in his short time in Vegas. According to TMZ, Garoppolo has just been offered every man’s dream: free sex for life.

Two local sex workers Caitlan Bell and Alice Little (pretty sure those are stage names) from the “famous” Chicken Ranch Brothel have publicly announced that they will bang the new Raiders’ QB whenever his heart desires. “I almost fainted when I heard Jimmy signed with the Raiders. He deserves free sex just for joining our team. But he gets free sex for life from us just because he’s such a legit babe!” Bell said in a press release.

But Garoppolo isn’t earning sex solely for his good looks, Little says he needs it to stay loose on the field. “Jimmy brought the Niners to the Super Bowl and he could do the same for the Raiders. The next Big Game is in Vegas, so I’m going to go all the way to inspire Jimmy to go all the way,” she said.

It’s important to note these aren’t just your average Freemont Street hookers. Bell and Little have carved out quite the names for themselves in the sex industry. In fact, Bell was recently nominated for Best Sex Scene in the 2023 XBIZ Awards. As for Little, she may be a sex worker, but also dabbles in intimacy coaching. My guess is that she has a very “hands-on” coaching style.

Believe it or not, this wild duo is not the first to offer up its naughty services to the handsome signal caller. Sheri’s Ranch Brothel in Pahrump, Nevada also extended an invitation to Garoppolo, even encouraging him to bring his teammates. “A celebratory weekend blowout with you and a few of your new Raiders teammates to take advantage of the resort’s themed hotel suites, bar and restaurant, swimming pool, and Jacuzzi – all expenses paid, of course,” a Sheri’s Ranch spokesperson wrote in a letter. Personally, I couldn’t think of a better team bonding experience than having free sex work done in a communal hot tub.

We will have to wait and see as to whether or not Jimmy G will take up the girls on their advances. On the one hand, Jimmy does have experience with sex professionals as he was caught on a date with pornstar Kiara Mia back in 2018, but personally I don’t think he will stoop so low. I’m not saying Bell and Little’s offer wasn’t generous, but Jimmy is an attractive, famous, multi-millionaire. I’m sure he can find girls with more self-worth and less STDs at the same price point. Or pay top-dollar for a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I mean, it’s Sin City. There is some crazy shit there.

Alex Becker

Written by Alex Becker

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