Joe Mixon Not Guilty After Threatening Woman With a Gun

Joe Mixon avoids tackles and allegations at the same rate. The Bengals’ star running back was able to avoid a suspension for hitting a woman in a restaurant while in college. Now, he’s avoiding charges for an road rage incident in which he threatened to shoot a woman in the face. 

In all good courtroom movies, there is a scene where the guilty party selects the greatest lawyer of all time, showing how difficult it will be for the protagonist to win. It was Kevin Spacey in A Time to Kill, or Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Trial of the Chicago Seven. It was this guy in Ted 2. This is clearly what happened here, except Mixon won. 

You might not believe that Mixon got off with a crime due to incredible representation. If that’s the case, read the following series of quotes used by his lawyers in this case:

“We’re not here to determine whether Joe Mixon operated his motor vehicle properly or not.”

“Joe has a lot of guns, but there were no baby guns, no small guns that even remote matched the nebulous description.”

This is the greatest defense an athlete has used to get out of a crime since OJ’s glove didn’t fit. This lawyer created a successful defense by denying Mixon pulling a gun in the first place. The impressive part was that he did this while pointing out that Mixon does have guns, but they are too large to be the one in question. 

I can’t believe Mixon has made it this far into his NFL career without being suspended. He seems to be ten minutes away from becoming Antonio Brown at all times. Joe Burrow needs a pass catching threat out of the backfield, though. So I predict he will keep paying whatever lawyer fees he needs to maintain his perfect attendance. 

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Written by TFM

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