After the eighth grade, a guy’s sense of humor doesn’t change; his vocabulary just gets a little bigger each year. Anyone that pretends they don’t find poop jokes funny is just an asshole, and there’s nothing else to it. That’s why today, I’ll be taking a look at the jokes that will never stop being funny.
“Does it smell like French fries to you?”
This one might be a little more obscure, so if you don’t know it get ready to thank me for teaching it to you. Best done in a car, “Does it smell like French fries to you?” is the question you ask after you’ve just ripped a particularly nasty – but also silent – fart. If executed correctly, whoever you’re with will take a big old inhalation with expectations to get a good whiff of French fries. Instead, though, he’ll be smelling the near toxic fumes of your butt. It’s really a classic.
“That’s what she said.”
The only proof I need that this will always be funny is that last week the random 60-something year old dude I golfed with dropped a “That’s what she said,” after I said, “Get in the hole.” It’s important to pick your moments here because saying it after something that doesn’t quite fit will make you feel like a total jabroni. But when you hit it right, everyone will get a kick out of it.
Funny every single time.
“Not.” / “Said the liar.”
With this you can overdo it at times, but throwing one in occasionally is a fantastic way to make one of your friends look like a dumbass. For instance, if your boy brings home an uggo, and he comes to you saying, “She was hot. Wasn’t she?” You can reply with: “Yeah she was pretty. Said the liar.” Not only can it be a devastating blow, but everyone who isn’t on the receiving end of the joke will find it funny.
“Hit it, Mary/Nancy/Bethany/Jessica/Jennifer/Sally/Sarah/(any girls’ name).”
Okay. Maybe this crosses over in the sexism territory just a little bit, but if you’ve ever watched someone in real golf or mini-golf leave a putt short, you know that calling them a girl’s name is funny. If that offends you, I’ll have you know my sister has called me by a girl’s name many a time, so why don’t you just get the fuck over it.
Not only is this one of the greatest insults ever, it’s also fucking hilarious. Regardless of whether or not someone has actually had sex or not, calling him (or her: not going to pretend like I haven’t used this on a girl before) “virgin” is a pretty amazing thing. It’s humiliating and funny and mean all in one. Really the perfect joke if you ask me.
This isn’t meant to be political at all. I just think that saying “Thanks, Obama,” to minor inconveniences in life gets funnier every single day.
While we’re on the topic of all this jokes shit, you’re currently reading my 69th blog.
Now’s the part where you go, “Nice.”