Alex Becker
Say whatever you want about Kanye, but that man is an absolute genius… and that’s coming from a Jew.
Ye celebrated his 46th birthday last night and his party was every dude’s dream. Not only did he have a star-studded guest list with several popular rappers and celebrities, but West also had nyotaimori. What the hell is nyotaimori? Just unlimited sushi served on top of naked Japanese women. Well, traditionally they’re Japanese women — what unfolded last night is still slightly unclear.
Now if that isn’t the sign of a bangin’ party, I don’t know what is. Beautiful naked women are always a great sight to behold, but with unlimited sushi on top that may be the best combo out there other than the keys to a Ford F-150 and a case of Rolling Rock. I mean I’d be stoked to go to a party that just had all-you-can-eat sushi alone. Once you add naked women to the mix you’re really just going above and beyond. Classic, Kanye always shattering expectations.
While the pussy-sushi seemed awesome (and probably extra fishy), there was one weird downside to Kanye’s birthday bash — his nine-year-old daughter North West was in attendance.
The media has been making a huge deal out of these photos of North holding hands with Kanye’s new wife Bianca and I honestly think they are missing the bigger picture. Sure, it’s very nice and sweet or whatever that Kanye’s kids are embracing their new stepmom, but no one is paying attention to the fact that he willingly brought his daughter to a party with sushi sex workers. “They’re not sex workers!” I’m pretty confident that the same women practicing nyotaimori also practice happy endings in the daytime, so yes the term sex workers seems appropriate.
Anyway, I really hope North was at a separate part of the extravaganza away from the naked sushi women. As a nine-year-old North should be eating pigs-in-a-blanket and dino nugs, not watching her dad and his friends run their grubby hands all over a whore covered in raw salmon. While I’m pretty sure that North definitely did witness the Japanese “art,” I can say with complete confidence that she has definitely seen worse from her mom on the internet.
